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But I can’t tell anyone that. Not Donna, not Ben. No one understands why I’m being so single-minded about saying no. I wouldn’t even want to explain why, or I’d look like a whiny sixteen-year-old. My professional integrity is, unfortunately, too precious for me to throw away with one single conversation.
It doesn’t leave me with much of a choice, does it?
Pine Falls, November 2, 2017
My dear Charlee,
You bet your ass I tried to get the old jerk fired. Emile gave me my mail yesterday by slapping it on my head. Spoiler alert: it really hurts.
I’m happy to read that you’re liking the program and that I’m part of the reason why. I talked to my grandparents about you last night. Told them I’ve met this great girl who lives far away and whom I’ve never seen in my life but feel like I’ve known forever. My grandma said she had the same feeling when she met my grandpa. That feeling you have deep in your gut that you can be completely yourself with someone, that they will accept you, no matter how fucked up you can sometimes be. Her words, not mine. But I like to believe she’s right. And the connection I feel to you is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Except maybe Lola, but it’s different, you know? She’s been my best friend forever.
We grew up together in a town of less than a thousand people. Her mom was employed at Jerry’s, so when we were kids, we used to play all around the restaurant after school and get yelled at by Lola’s mom for running into her while she was bringing empty plates back to the kitchen. During school breaks, we used to dress up as waiters and customers before the restaurant opened for lunch. I don’t think anyone on this earth knows me better than she does, although I feel like you’re becoming a close second. She’s a sister to me more than anything else. You’re different. I don’t know what exactly. You’re . . . my Charlee. And, boy, do you take up space in my mind.
So to answer your college question, yes, I did make friends. It’s not super easy for me either, because I spend a lot of time at the restaurant helping my grandparents, but two guys, Matt and James, moved to town a couple years ago and are super chill. I’m surprised we get along because of how different we all are, but they seem unbothered by my “intensity” and shrug it off. I’ve never experienced that, and sometimes I think it’ll all go away. But for now, the three of us and Lola all hang out, and I love every minute of it. It’s crazy how well everybody fits together, and my life is insanely better because they’re in it.
I promise you, Charlee, that one day, we’ll sit together next to a firepit outside with hot cocoa and a blanket, and I’ll tell you all the stories you want to hear. And you’ll tell me all of yours with your sister and all the trouble you got yourself into just to piss her off. I’m sure there were plenty.
I’m gonna answer your questions now, you smart-ass. There’s not a lot I can do to prove to you that I didn’t research the answers on the Internet, but I can give you my word that I didn’t. The only question I have for you is: Do you trust me?
Easy. Who do you think I am? Knowing plants in nature is essential for survival. What if I eat the wrong one? The rarest plant in BC is scarlet gaura. It’s not the rarest, but one of the rarest (pretty hard to narrow it down to just one).
Okay, this one is a long answer. You ready? I’ll try to make it as short as I can. If you come close to a bear, you have to stay calm and never run away. It’s best to speak softly while backing away slowly, without ever making eye contact. If a bear approaches you, have your bear spray ready (just like men, I know). Fun fact: I’ve met a lot of bears while hiking. They’re not as bad as people make them out to be. They just want to be left alone, and if you do that, they won’t bother you. Like all wildlife. Better to never interact with it.
You’re gonna have to make this harder, Char. Three bird species: bald eagles, marbled murrelets, and water ouzels.
Okay, the longest river question took me some time. I’m not gonna lie. I was debating between the Fraser River and the Columbia River, but if I remember correctly, only the Fraser River has its full body in BC. Now the length, I don’t know. I would say somewhere between 1,000 and 1,300 kms.
Did I pass? If it makes you feel better, I’m sure you know way more about Ontario than I do. I’ve never been to Toronto, or Ontario, for that matter. Never been outside BC, actually. It’s pretty crazy when you think about it, since one of my biggest dreams when I was younger was to travel the earth and discover every nook and cranny our planet has to offer before nature as we know it disappears.
All right, I’m gonna wrap this letter up. It’s 7:50 a.m., and Emile is coming in ten minutes. Gotta have it ready, or you won’t get it in time. I don’t feel like running in boxers again today. The weather is turning pretty chilly. And I think Mrs. Miller, who lives down the road, was scarred for life when she left her house to grab her newspaper and saw me running around half-naked. I heard her huffing and puffing about decency and manners.
Talk to you next week, my favorite wild girl.
Xx,
Oliver
Attached article
When deep human connections have an effect on our brain chemistry
Chapter Twelve
WHEN WE DRIVE
Oliver
“Right over there.” I nod to my pickup as Charlee walks beside me, keeping a good distance between us. She hasn’t uttered a word since she miraculously agreed to stay with me.
Stay with me.
I’m still struggling to grasp that the girl I’ve been thinking about for all these years will be sleeping a few feet away from me tonight. That she’s standing right here next to me, within reaching range . . .
I chase the thoughts away, my body growing restless, not knowing what to do, how to act, confused at having her here and not being able to touch her like it has always craved.
Part of me is terrified to spend so much time with her, especially with how she’s acted so far. But another part, a dangerous part, one that has lain dormant for years, is stirring awake at the thought of having her so close. It’s contemplating the possibility of a second chance, a do-over at something I fucked up years ago.
“Here,” I say when we get to my truck.
