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Taking the suggestion to heart, I posted Grung eating steak with his hands to The Blue Danube Waltz by a human named Johann Strauss.

My Instagram picture about my shoes had received no notice. Searching for orcs and hockey I found that the team had an Instagram account with pictures and short videos from some of our games as well as a contest encouraging humans to post their own pictures and videos then “tag” the team account.

Heading back to my lonely picture of my shoes, I went ahead and used the symbol and team name as instructed, then wondered if I might receive more attention if I properly introduced myself first. Uploading a picture of my face that I’d accidentally taken last night when the camera on my phone reversed the view, I composed a message.

Hello. My name is Bwat. I am an orc from Clan Torrek who is a member of the Baltimore Tusks hockey team. I am pleased to meet you.

I frowned at the screen, thinking that Emily Post would recommend I state the my purpose for the communication.

Our clan asked for volunteers to come to the human world to search for a bride. I was happy to do so, not just to find a bride, but to explore and find out about humans, their culture, and their lives. Having been assigned a job in hockey, I have decided to learn and perform to the best of my ability.

I hesitated, not sure whether to declare my love for Abby at this point. While truth and honesty where important, I didn’t want to alarm her with an early declaration of my intent, so in the end I posted my picture and the words without that specific information.

Looking at my zero follower count on Instagram, I realized that Emily Post would advocate the necessity of a proactive social approach. Browsing the pictures and videos shown to me, I friended those I found interesting, then all of the Abby Anton accounts I could locate.

Finally arriving in Tennessee, I slept, went on yet another exercise trip with Ozar and the team, then participated in an on-ice practice that Ozar and Ugwyll led. The practice consisted of us skating around the arena, then attempting to do the same thing backwards. I wasn’t sure what the purpose was of skating backwards. None of us could see where we were going, so there were a lot of collisions and falls. I didn’t voice any of my questions though. When it came to athletic endeavors, I was not the expert of this team, or of any orc teams, so I followed instructions and did my best.

Before the game I posted a TikTok video of the team skating backwards including the falls and collisions, all set to a song named All Star by Smash Mouth that the application recommended to me.

Then I went back to Instagram to post another picture. A thrill went through me when I saw that two hundred and eight humans had followed my account. It was a shockingly huge number, and many of them had replied and messaged me!

The comments didn’t quite make sense, but I knew I should reply to everyone who was kind enough to respond to my picture.

Who the hell is this guy?

MY NAME IS BWAT AND I AM AN ORC.

Financial freedom is one message away!

I AM ALREADY FREE, BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN ABOUT MY POSSIBLE FINANCIAL SLAVERY.

Promote your product on @10kfollowersfast!

I HAVE NO PRODUCT, BUT WOULD RECOMMEND ABBY ANTON IF YOU NEED MARKETING ASSISTANCE.

The Tusks suck!

I PREFER TO DRINK WITHOUT A STRAW.

Looking for love? Click the link in my bio.

I HAVE ALREADY FOUND LOVE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR OFFER OF ASSISTANCE.

Try our beard growth oil today.

MY CLAN DOES NOT FAVOR FACIAL HAIR, BUT I WILL RECOMMEND YOUR PRODUCT TO ANY ORC WHO HAS DIFFICULTY WITH BEARD GROWTH.

The universe has a message for you.

PLEASE HAVE THE UNIVERSE DELIVER THIS MESSAGE TO MY DEN OR VIA TEXT.

Fire picture - DM us to 100x your wealth today.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR COMMENT, BUT SHOULD I CALL EMERGENCY SERVICES FOR HELP WITH THE FIRE?

You are so inspiring. Can you promote my page?

YOU ARE INSPIRING AS WELL. I BELIEVE IN YOU!