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John sighed heavily, knowing he would have to ignore the painful ache of his erection. His nightly bath would be a cold one.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and tried not to wince at how she stiffened. “Nay, Elizabeth, sweetling, not like this.”

She frowned at him. “What do you mean? Are you so bothered by the fact that it is my idea?”

He smiled. “Nay, your suggestion was a valid one—deeply appreciated, you may be certain. But we’ll find another way.”

She looked shocked. “But…every man has always wanted me, and what marriage to me brings to him.”

“Trust me, Elizabeth, this man wants you badly, and I don’t give a damn about what property you bring me. But I want to find an honorable solution, one you’re not forced into.”

She looked away, her shoulders slumped. “It has not always been a good thing, to be so wanted.”

He said nothing, hoping she’d continue to talk.

“When I was ten years old,” she began in a low voice, “just before I came to Rame Castle, an old friend of my father visited, and brought his young son with him. I was used to meeting eligible boys; I didn’t mind knowing that my father would pick someone for me. I trusted his choices. But…for the previous year, the fathers had become more insistent, the sons kept trying to get me alone to play, and although that was all we did, it was as if…they were being told to do it. The earldom was a powerful lure, even though the king had not settled on how it would pass beyond my father. But we thought we could trust this old family friend. It was a relief to be with him and his son.”

John wanted to hold her, sensing that the story would not have a happy ending, but Elizabeth seemed lost in her memories.

“He was going to take his son and me on an outing to a nearby pond and back. I was thrilled to be showing off my riding skills, as well as getting away from the tension of the castle. We always had guests trying to convince my father to give me in marriage to them. But before I mounted my horse, something seemed…wrong. I was only ten, but even I could see that the horses’ saddle bags seemed rather full for a simple ride.”

John nodded. “He was going to take you away?”

“He never admitted it to my father,” she said softly, “even when his bags were searched. He kept insisting that he and his son were leaving afterwards, and he’d just prepared in advance, but no one believed him.”

“What did your father think he meant to do?”

“Blackmail?” She shuddered. “Or something even more sinister that had nothing to do with his son. His wife had recently died.”

“Elizabeth, that was a terrible ordeal for a child to go through.”

She tried to smile. “But it was the direct reason my parents decided to send me to your family.”

“And I wager there are days you’re not so happy that that happened,” he said dryly.

“Nay, the immediate result was wonderful. I came home, and for a long time Alderley seemed peaceful. I enjoyed myself for many years.”

“Until your parents died?”

Nodding, she said, “And once again, everyone wants to own me.”

Elizabeth felt an ache deep in her heart that never quite went away, no matter how hard she forced it down. They had tried to protect her from the world, and now there was no one between her and the men who fought over her. She was so sick of feeling helpless, and had hoped tonight to take matters into her own hands.

But John was being honorable and noble, though she could see in the tight lines of his face what it cost him. He was a man who’d returned home to do his duty by his family and found himself alone, with few resources. The respect for his family name was gone, regardless of who had caused it. He had spent years building a reputation in Europe, to no avail. Though he was a man who hid his own pain, there was a haunting, answering look in his eyes that called to her, made her want to make things better for him.

She found herself reaching up to touch his face. He went utterly still, his eyes closed, his expression for a moment twisting with tension, then smoothing out with understanding. When she leaned in and kissed him, his lips parted, and he shuddered.

“Elizabeth.” He spoke against her mouth, his voice full of subtle warnings.

“Just a kiss,” she murmured, kissing his top lip, his bottom lip, and then sucking on it gently. “How will I learn not to fear what happens between a husband and wife?”

She knew that he let her lead, and she felt a quiet thrill. She tilted her head, deepening the kiss, her tongue circling his lips before darting inside and retreating. She put her hands on his, felt the way his were fisted in the bedclothes. Stroking them gently, she hoped to ease his spirit, but he was a man, and already she was learning that he was not like her. She only seemed to fire his passion, for with a groan, he caught her hand and pressed it flat against his chest, where she could feel the pounding of his heart. She had a flash of memory, from when he had touched her body in the same place, and it made her shiver.

His hand slid over her hip, though it was covered in blankets. Up higher, indenting on her waist, over her ribs, skimming up the side of her breast.

She broke the kiss and gazed questioningly into his eyes, unable to control her breathing.

“Let me show you some of what you came for tonight, sweetling,” he murmured, kissing her cheek, nibbling her earlobe. “I promise that I still believe we should wait for everything that marriage entails, but ah…the taste of you makes me ache to show you more.”