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“Don’t listen to Sadie. She’s got no filter,” Paloma says. She seems half distracted, worried for some reason. “Besides, I can answer that with absolute certainty. They are not quiet.”

“You weren’t even home,” I blurt.

Sadie’s eyes brighten. “Does it help with the stick up Kane’s ass? Or is he perpetually a—”

“Toren’s not . . .” I cut her off, huffing a little frustrated sound. “He’s not an ass. And he’s—”

“She’s being mean,” Ro says kindly. “We all like Toren, even if some of us won’t admit it. Actually, last semester Toren punched my ex-boyfriend in the face, defending me. And he didn’t even know me.”

Something in my chest warms.

Paloma smiles. “You already know how I feel about him. Toren and I are . . . reluctant allies. You’re my friend.”

She says it like it’s true, but I know what’s real. Toren and Paloma like each other. They’re friends, even if neither of them will admit it.

The warmth grows stronger.

Sadie shrugs, inspecting her nails. “He helped me, too, protecting me from my old coach. Seemed like he has experience with abusive coaches.”

She says it with a pointed look. The intense figure skater has always been kind enough to me. But since the Learn to Skate with Liam pushing my dad away from Toren, she’s given me a light cold shoulder treatment.

“I’m not my dad,” I say, jutting my nose up as I turn in the chair toward Sadie. She smiles at that, a Cheshire cat–like grin that makes me want to shrink down, but I don’t.

“Yeah? Me either,” Sadie says, before looking up at the tall, pretty girl hovering over me. “You’re in good company, Lily; Ro here is the only one with a happy little family.”

Ro shakes her head and steps around me to sit next to Sadie on the bed. “You say that like you and your brothers aren’t safe and happy up at the Koteskiy mansion. You’ve got plenty of happy little family to go around.”

Paloma snorts. “That’s right. Me and Lil are the only ones with mommy and daddy issues.”

She reaches out and high-fives me, though I’m a little slow to catch on.

Sadie shakes her head. “Weirdos,” she says, but Paloma shoulders her as we all stand to make our way out.

Sadie and I are nearly the same height, but she’s all muscled curves, which only makes me feel worse. Ro is built more like me, but almost a foot taller. And Paloma is . . . really really hot. Like supermodel hot.

I was sick a lot as a child. My dad explained it to me once, when I’d asked one too many questions about my mom, saying that she didn’t care about me. She was selfish, slept through my bottles until I was malnourished, left me alone in my room too long once when my dad was still traveling for weeks at a time. I had meningitis, was sick enough when he got back, I’d had to go to the hospital. It was why I lost my hearing. I remember staying at home most of my childhood, having to take a lot of vitamins, but I never grew taller than five feet and my hearing never came back.

Maybe my mom was selfish. Or maybe she was depressed and felt like me. Maybe she wanted to do all those things for me, but she just couldn’t. Or maybe I’ll never know because my dad will always be the gatekeeper to anything about her.

It’s not some magical key that will unlock a secret to fix me. But letting go of that idea is harder than I’d thought.

• • •

We get a car from the Hockey House to the arena, a bit farther in since it’s in Boston. I’m filled with riotous nerves at the idea of seeing my dad and thunderous excitement over seeing Toren. So many people are wearing jerseys and Waterfell colors; I clock several Fredderic and Koteskiy jerseys, a few with the number one, which Paloma informs me is Bennett’s number, but no one is in a thirteen.

No one except for a boy running toward me, a big 13 marked in navy and outlined in white on his cheek.

“Did you see?” Liam scream-giggles when he reaches us. He pauses by Sadie with a quick, “Hi, Sissy!,” before darting to my side. I squat down.

“Hey, Liam.”

“I put Toren’s number here,” he says, slapping his hand to his cheek. “Do you think he’ll like it?”

I grin broader. “I think he’ll love it.”

Liam’s eyes go round, and he tilts his head back to his older sister just behind him. “Is Rhys gonna be mad? I’m wearing his jersey like always—” He spins to me again. “Rhys says I’m his good luck charm, but I think maybe I can be two good lucks’ charms?”

Sadie ruffles his hair playfully. “That’s good, bug. Rhys and Toren will love it.”