Page 1

Chapter one

Guilt washed over Lex Battle, hotter than the summer sun above, as he trudged up the stairs and walked through the care facility’s doors. The noxious mix of cleaning product residue, stale piss and cloying floral spray hit him hard. He hated that smell, one he associated with depression and death. His nose had always been particularly sensitive, and his nostrils tingled as the onslaught of memories brought him closer to the tears he was trying like hell to keep at bay.

At the end of April, a few days before Lex’s forty-sixth birthday, his dad had passed away. It sucked because now he’d always think about those final painful days, and the way his dad had deteriorated, instead of wanting to celebrate his birthday. It sucked even more when he found out his friends had planned a surprise party for him. He’d been too busy planning a funeral, and being in no mood to party, it had all fallen apart. Of course, they’d understood, offering their support and help, but he’d preferred handling the arrangements himself. At some point over the last year, he’d become more pensive, a bit more of a loner, and his inner social butterfly had flown away.

But time stopped for no one, and now it was already July. Lex had been putting off coming back to pick up his dad’s few belongings because the memories of those final moments at the facility assaulted him like an enemy on the battlefield—brutally hard and without mercy. The decision to place his dad in such a terminally sad place had killed him, but it had gotten to the point where Lex couldn’t care for him any longer. Hell, he wasn’t a doctor or a nurse, and after his dad took a nasty fall, Lex knew it was time. The man he’d known and looked up to his whole life couldn’t even get to the bathroom by himself, much less take a shower or cook. For the last two years, he’d watched his dad’s health decline and his dementia grow worse…until he couldn’t recognize his own son. And that hurt more than anything.

Seeing someone you love deteriorate mentally and physically was a cruel sort of twisted punishment—one Lex wouldn’t wish on anyone. His dad, Ken, had always been so big and strong, a former cowboy who grew up on a ranch. Then one day he met Barbara at the county fair. He’d said it was meant to be. Ken and Barbie. They fell in love, got married the following month and welcomed their only child, Alexander, less than a year later.

Sadly, Lex’s mom passed away when he was only seven, so he never really knew her. But he remembered her dark blonde hair and bright blue eyes, so very much like his own. She’d always had a smile on her pretty face, and he could still see the light dusting of freckles sprinkled across her nose and hear her bright, sunny laughter. His dad claimed Lex shared his mother’s lighthearted personality. That she had a zest for life and a tendency to joke and not stress over the small things.

Lex used to be that way, too, but he hadn’t felt light in a long time.

He supposed his only solace was knowing his parents were together again. At least he hoped so. He’d never been an overly religious man, but he wanted to believe there was more after death. A place where loved ones reunited and their spirits could be together for a happy eternity.

The alternative—death was the end—didn’t feel right to him. Life was filled with too many mysteries, and once it ended, he wondered if maybe the journey continued. Just in a different way and form.

Fucking hell. When had he become so damn philosophical?

Giving his head a shake, he walked up to the front desk where Melodie, the pretty receptionist, was hanging up the phone. His old self would’ve given her a charming smile, leaned over the ledge and flirted a little. He was a born flirt and loved women. All women. Tall, short, thin, curvy, blondes, brunettes, redheads. He appreciated them all, and his only type was female.

But lately…

Inwardly, he sighed. Yeah, the last year and a half had been really freaking hard.

“Hi, Lex.” Melodie gave him a bright smile. She knew him from his almost daily visits to his dad, plus the fact that Cielo Springs was a damn small town. Most everyone knew everyone else.

“I’m here to pick up my dad’s things.” He studied the painting on the wall behind her—a vase of daisies that should’ve been cheerful, but somehow wasn’t. It was too blue. Too gray. And he hated the fallen, wilted-looking petals at the base.

Instead of complimenting Melodie like he would’ve a year ago, he tapped a finger on the desk’s high ledge, antsy to get what he came for and get out. Definitely not his usual friendly self.

“Oh, right. Let me go get it.” When she got up and walked away, he didn’t even check out her ass.

Shit. When had things gotten so bad that he didn’t even take time to appreciate the female form?

He knew he needed to snap out of the funk he’d been wallowing in, because the sad truth was his magic stick was dying a slow death.

Maybe it was finally his turn to face the dreaded midlife crisis. He’d had such a grand time teasing his friends as they’d struggled up the steep slope toward fifty. Fuck. Now that’s me. Suddenly, it didn’t seem so funny anymore.

Brandon Ward had been the first one to fall into this awful slump. But after meeting Julia Evans, he’d found a new lease on life. A reason to live again. Love. And then the rest of his crew had fallen, one right after the other. Even grumpy-ass Chaz Madden had settled down with Lottie, becoming an instant father to her daughter Reya. Just recently, they’d welcomed a baby boy named Micah. Lex was the last man standing, and it made him feel really, really…alone.

He’d always thought he had so much time to find that someone special and eventually settle down. When he was younger, he’d been too focused on his military career. After graduating at the top of his class from the US Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program (what pretty much everyone referred to as Top Gun), he’d immersed himself in the fight, flying one combat mission after another. In hindsight, he could admit he’d been that stereotypical cocky flyboy. Nothing could’ve stopped him. Nothing had.

“Here you go. I’m sorry for your loss.” She hesitated, then added, “We all really liked your dad.”

He dragged his attention off the depressing daisies and looked down at the even more depressing box Melodie had set in front of him. That small box held the final few items his father had with him when he passed away.

Fuck. Fucking fuck!

“And, of course, we all really liked you,” she added, batting her lashes. “Especially me. I always looked forward to seeing you.”

He couldn’t miss her flirty tone, but he just didn’t have it in him to flirt back. Besides, she was probably half his age. Maybe that wouldn’t have stopped him a year ago, but now? Nah, he wasn’t interested in robbing the cradle or playing sugar daddy. He had more serious things on his mind—things a twenty-something couldn’t possibly understand because they were at the beginning, just starting out. But he was looking at the end, full of questions about life, death, purpose, the universe. Maybe he should take a page out of Madonna’s handbook and look into studying Kabbalah.

“Thanks, Melodie,” Lex mumbled, picking up the box. When he didn’t return her smile, her hopeful expression deflated. “Take care.”

“You, too,” she called, but he was already heading back to the entrance and past the automatic doors.

Stepping outside, he breathed the fresh air in deeply, trying to cleanse his nose, throat and lungs. His mind, too. A depressing place like that always left his brain swimming in dark thoughts.