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“Okay, reel it in,” Brand said, already munching on his third cookie. “If you want advice, you should’ve just asked us.” He stood up, walked behind the bar and grabbed four beers.

“I was already dealing with a crisis of confidence, I didn’t want to deal with you guys roasting me, too. Even though I probably deserve it.” Lex accepted the bottle from Brand, cracked it open and took a long drink. “Thanks.”

“You really want to know about being with a woman over forty?” Jayson asked, and Lex nodded. “Then you’d better sit down for this conversation.”

“Shit. That bad, huh?” He dropped back down in his seat.

“It’s not bad,” Wes said carefully. “It’s just…a lot. You should take notes.”

Lex plucked his phone out of his pocket and opened up his notes app. “That’s what I thought.” He quickly opened up a blank page and waited, thumbs hovering over the tiny keyboard and ready to type. “Okay, lay it on me.”

“I’m betting you got the spiel on patience, building anticipation, making her feel cherished?” Brand leaned back in his chair, the front legs lifting off the floor.

“Yes! What the hell does that even mean?” Lex burst out in frustration.

“Don’t worry, we’ll explain it. But we’re going to break it down in terms you can understand better.” He exchanged looks with Wes and Jayson, who both nodded.

“Here’s the deal,” Brand stated. “You have to liken menopause to the battlefield—it’s a full-blown hormonal war and you need to learn the rules of engagement.”

“Hormones become tangos. And body parts who used to be friendlies? Forget it. They’ve gone fucking rogue,” Wes added.

“Which means you need to engage in assault,” Jayson added, “but it’s not always a full-frontal assault. You might need to pull a flanking maneuver and attack from the side instead of head-on.”

“Grid coordinates change. You may have to find a new LZ,” Wes said.

“That makes sense.” Lex paused typing, thinking aloud. “Guerilla tactics. Adaptation.”

“Exactly. You gotta forget your go-to techniques,” Jayson said. “Menopause wipes the slate clean. And if you think what worked before will still work? That’s gonna turn into a soup sandwich real quick.”

Brand took a swig of his beer, nodding. “If you resist changing—if you take it personally and act like a fucking baby about it—then you may as well surrender now because you’ve already lost. Not just the battle, but the whole damn war.”

“And then there will be no breaching her blast wall.” Jayson shook his head. “Once that barricade is up, forget it. So use all the artillery in your arsenal: patience, understanding and, most of all, foreplay. Endless amounts of foreplay.”

“And don’t forget the lube,” Brand added. “We all get deployed to the sandbox at some point, so if you wanna win the war, your campaign needs the correct tools.”

Wes shifted in his seat, adjusting his prosthetic leg. Lex admired the man so damn much because no matter what he faced, he did it with so much strength and grace, always managing to succeed. No matter how hard or complicated things had gotten, Murph always triumphed. And Lex needed a little of his buddy’s optimism and wisdom right now.

“Some days, she’s going to jump you and act like a horny teen again. Other days, her libido has packed its bags and fucked off to parts unknown.” Wes shrugged. “Forget your ego. It’s just time to learn the new rules of engagement.”

“After forty, she won’t fake orgasms anymore. Or tolerate bad sex,” Jayson said. “You gotta step up your game, or you’re crashing and burning.”

“What used to feel good for her might feel like a fucking kidney stone now. The tits and clit you thought you’d mastered?” Brand shook his head. “They’ve moved to a new time zone, pal. You gotta slow down and read the signs. I’m talking, you need the extreme patience of a fisherman. You know how we can be in the river all damn day waiting for bites? Menopause.”

A light clicked within Lex. “Yeah, okay, that makes sense. It’s all about finesse, using the right tools—”

“Exactly.” Brand gave him a thumbs-up.

“—and making her feel safe, desired—”

“Cherished,” Wes and Jayson said at the same time.

“Right. Cherished.” Lex typed the word, still not entirely sure how to execute that part of the op.

“Exactly,” Jayson said. “And if her body isn’t cooperating, for God’s sake, don’t push her, or your ass will wind up on the couch faster than you can say hot flash. This is where patience comes in. The slam, bam, thank you, ma’am days are a thing of the past. Orgasms might happen in three minutes or thirty. Who knows? Remember, fisherman. It becomes a long game, so focus on your target. Slow the fuck down and don’t rush it, or the whole thing is already FUBAR.”

Lex finished typing their final wise words then sat back and exhaled a long breath. “Holy shit. I don’t know how to thank you guys.”

“If you do a good job, she’s going to be the one saying Bravo Zulu,” Brand stated.