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Holy. He’s long.

“Keep your legs together,” he says. I clamp my thighs closed, and he stretches me with one swift motion. I gasp out from the sudden fullness. It pinches at first, but I’m warmed up this time. It’s mostly just pleasure, and the mild sting dissipates. “Fuck,” he softly groans out. He feels thicker this way than the first time, and in this position, I must be so much tighter. His bare thighs brush against mine.

Hmm, he undressed this time.

He thrusts, withdrawing almost all the way and slamming in as far as he can go. Over and over. I lift my shoulders to sneak a look back, but Rook catches me. “Stay flat, Appa.” His large hand presses my head back into the mattress, where the scent of detergent floods my nose. But he doesn’t move it and thrusts even harder, holding me down. I know he would stop if I wanted him to, but I don’t.

I sense his body tense up like it did last time right before he spilled inside me, and the change in his body language is all I need. I let go, clenching as my orgasm rocks through my whole body. He groans again, and his movements slow. I feel three or four spurts land deep inside me and smile to myself. I’m wrecking him too. I can feel it in the way he lets go after I do. He leans his sweaty torso against my back, and his warm breath cascades over my shoulders. He doesn’t move for a minute, and this is the closest we’ve had to normal intimacy.

He moves his hand and gently rolls me under him. Before I can open my eyes, he’s on top of me, supporting his weight on his arms, and he returns his lips to mine. We’re chest to chest, my nipples grazing his pierced ones again, completely unraveling. He nibbles my lower lip, and I giggle.

“I want more,” I mumble against his lips when he pulls away. I hadn’t realized my arms were tangled around his neck. I wrap my legs around his trunk, clinging to him desperately like I would never let go. I grind against him, urging him back in, but he doesn’t move his hips in return.

“Soon,” he whispers. He starts to sit up, and my limbs fall like dead weight onto the bed.

“Don’t go,” I say, feeling the bed shift as he stands.

He pulls on his sweatpants, and I can hear the material rustling up his legs. I wish I could see his outline through the material. “That’s not how this works.” His voice is quiet as ever, but it’s tainted with something…I’d like to think it’s longing. A thread of hope that this is just as real for him as it is for me. I’ve always been a little rebellious inside, and I want to ask again if he’ll stay. Not for me. But for him. To have sex and be one again. I can be overbearingly Southern if I need to be, but Rook wouldn’t tolerate that. I watch in the faint moonlight as his silhouette moves toward the door to leave. He looks back, and even though I can’t make out his face, I hope he’s contemplating staying with me. “Night,” he whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

“No,” I cry out as he shuts the door behind him. I flop over on my bed, my tears soaking into my pillow. My phone lights up, and I know it’s a notification from my cameras that he’s leaving. What the fuck is happening?

If this is all our relationship is supposed to be, then why does it hurt so damn bad when he’s not here?

Chapter Ten

Robby

I hit my steering wheel just shy of the horn, which leaves an ache in my palm.

Why the fuck did I kiss her?

That level of intimacy isn’t Rook’s vibe. I’m the lover, and Appa’s only signed up for Rook—the taker.

You know that’s not true, Robby.

I press the button to start the car and click the seat belt in. It feels like a tether to keep me in my place. I stare out the tinted side window at her house but drive off before I can change my mind and go back inside as me to tell her everything. I swallow the lump forming in my throat.

Neither of us is ready for that.

Next time, I’ll be gentler, hold her, and love her. Something to make her think this is more than a hookup for me. Better yet, I need to find a way to leave a piece of me behind—a clue of who I am. I tap my fingers on the steering wheel as I turn onto my street.

But I could ruin everything if I reveal myself and the years I’ve hidden my obsession with her. What am I thinking? She’s been obsessed for years, too.

Just not with me.

I park in the garage and plug the Tesla in. It’s late, and my eyes are burning. If I had stayed any longer, I would have passed out next to her, but now that I think of it, that wouldn’t have been the worst thing. I walk into my kitchen from the garage, drop my keys and wallet, and fish out my phone from my pocket. I have notifications, as usual, but I skip them and tap the app to see if Appa has posted anything. The ring around her profile picture isn’t lit. I slump against the counter.

Nothing new.

I shouldn’t be surprised. She’s probably upset, and I did that.

The sun is rising when my eyes open again as light slices through the blinds. I check the time on my phone. Six a.m. and right on schedule. My eyelids still feel heavy, but I know lying here would be a waste of time. I’d just toss and turn.

A workout would do me good and clear my head. I pull on a pair of basketball shorts, swapping the metal barbells out of my nipples for the silicone ones. I grab water from the refrigerator and head for the garage. It’s cramped having two cars in here, but I still fit gym equipment in there. It’s AA day—abs and arms. I put in my earbuds and blare heavy metal as I lift heavier weights than normal. Like I’m punishing myself for the night before. My shoulders burn, screaming at me to quit. I push through anyway, knowing tomorrow will be a bitch. That’s fine; Rook isn’t making an appearance for a while.

Putting the ball in her court, I want Appa begging for it next time. I’ll wait for her signal, and maybe even then still wait. We both need to process the last two times. Distance is good. Distance is healthy.

By seven-thirty, my arms feel like they’re going to fall off, and my abs are more contoured than normal from the workout. If I could film right now, they’d be perfect for that, but I need to work and shower first. I let the warm water pour over me and ease the ache in my muscles, but all I do is brace my forearms against the wet tile wall and drop my head.