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Something pink catches my eye in the mirror. I walk over to the trash can where a neon-colored plastic wrapper is peeking out past the lid. I press the step, and the metal lid flies open.

It’s an empty tampon wrapper.

My breath punches out of me.

I miscalculated. I was late. I was wrong. I failed. I only have one more month before she goes to San Diego. My throat tightens.

I can’t let her go.

Why didn’t she mention that she got her period? She’s not supposed to keep secrets from me, and she knows the truth about me…mostly.

I snatch the wrapper out of the trash and rush back downstairs to the kitchen. “What the fuck is this?” I shout louder than I mean to. She looks up from her phone and pales. “Tilly, tell me this isn’t what I think it is!” My voice still comes out in a yell. I can’t curb the red lining my vision. She brings her knees tightly to her chest and wraps her arms around them. “Tilly!” She’s recoiling. Right in front of my eyes.

“I woke up to my period. I was going to tell you…” she quietly answers. A single tear drops down her cheek. She’s not sad about getting her period. I’m scaring the daylights out of her.

I crumple the wrapper in my fist and look away from Tilly. I can’t stomach seeing how upset she is. Nor do I like how she instantly slipped into a defensive position. Like she thought I’d physically hurt her. I press my fist to my forehead and close my eyes.

Stop, Enzo, before you lose her.

I can’t stop myself from mumbling, “I was late...”

“That really was your MO,” she whispers just loud enough that I can hear.

“There’s more to it…” I trail off. What am I trying right now? Damage control?

Everything you touch turns to shit.

My mind spins at that thought. I tried minimizing Mick because he was the only one onto me the whole time. Tilly never would have picked up on it if I hid my shit better, but she hasn’t known me as long as Mick.

Her chair screeches against the floor, and she’s suddenly by me. She reaches for my fist. “Hey, you’re not being yourself.” I open my hand, and she takes the wrapper from me. Her other hand finds my side.

“No, I’m not.”

And haven’t been in months.

“E, relax. You’re okay.”

“I’m not fucking okay. I’m going to hurt you, and you’ll never forgive me. But I can’t lose you.”

The green in her eyes sparkle in the morning daylight, and she studies my eyes with hers. “You’re not going to hurt me.” She’s so damn pure. How could she ever understand the demons I deal with?

I shake my head and step away from her. “I’m not trying to, but we’re so fucking fragile.”

“We’re not.”

“No, Tilly. We’re not normal. I don’t know why you keep coming back to me when I fuck up.”

“Because…” she starts, but quickly stops herself. “Because you know who you are, and you leverage that.” She closes her eyes for a beat. “I never stood a chance,” she whispers.

This isn’t sustainable.

I have to do the unthinkable if I want to keep her, or she’ll just remember me as that tattooed drug addict she fucked one summer in Napa when she didn’t know better. I need to be more than that…

A whole hell of a lot better.

I step away from her and rush to the stairs.

“Enzo!” she calls after me, but I’m already halfway up the steps.