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I almost laughed out loud. Even Gustav was noticing.

When it was finally time to head out, Dominic stood up first and, with a gentleness I hadn't expected from him, asked:

"Can I walk you to your car?"

Max blushed again but nodded, and the two of them left together slowly, still talking. Esteban let out a satisfied sigh the second they were out of sight.

"Well," I said, "I think tonight's mission was a success."

"What mission?" Daddy asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"No mission," I said quickly. "Just a normal night between friends."

Daddy didn't believe a single word of it, but he just shook his head, amused, and asked for the check.

The drive home was peaceful, the car warm and quiet, with just the radio playing something low that I wasn't even paying attention to. Mikey was already snoring. Sawyer was playing something on his phone. I had that good kind of tired and I sat there watching the streetlights slide past the window, thinking about everything that had happened.

When we got home, Daddy pulled the Jeep into the garage and turned off the engine. Inside, he went to the kitchen to make hot chocolate, and I flopped down on the couch between my brothers, shoving Sawyer with my shoulder just because.

"Stop pushing me," he complained, but without any real irritation, and made more room for me anyway.

Mikey curled up on my other side, holding Teresa, and turned the TV back on, looking for some cartoon we'd already seen a million times but never got tired of.

Daddy came back with four mugs on a tray, handed one to each of us, and sat down between me and Mikey, which made me shift closer to Sawyer to give him room. The fireplace still had warm embers glowing, the cartoon played quietly on the TV, and the hot chocolate warmed my hands. Mikey was already almost asleep again before the episode even ended, and Sawyer pretended to be watching the TV while actually dozing off too. I just sat there, all cozy, thinking about Max and Dominic and how tomorrow was probably going to be a good day too, before finally letting my own eyes close.

Chapter 18. Mikey

I was so tired. More than tired — more than I'd ever been in my entire life. I was working around sixty hours a week, and even though part of me kept insisting I should be able to handle it, I couldn't. I was exhausted in a way that wasn't even funny. I knew if it were JJ, he'd probably crack a joke and keep going. I could only look at the dark circles under my eyes in the mirror, my beard poorly trimmed — something I would never let happen under normal circumstances. My whole body ached. My eyes too. And when the alarm went off in the morning, I had absolutely no desire to move, but I had to go — my team depended on me as their manager, and I couldn't miss work even if I wanted to.

I knew my family was worried about me. JJ kept looking at me with half-closed eyes, like he was assessing whether I was about to keel over at any second. He wasn't even cracking jokes around me. And Daddy kept his brow furrowed whenever he looked at me, like he didn't approve of any of this — which made me even sadder, because I knew he didn't approve, but I didn't want to be doing this either. I just didn't feel like I had a choice, and he knew that.

They'd asked me to take a day off, since I'd been working nonstop for twelve days straight, and I'd finally managed to get things calm enough to carve out a Tuesday off. I knew it wasn't an ideal day, since it meant my brothers would be at work, but at least I'd get to rest. I was really happy about that.

Daddy let me sleep in, but I woke up at eight in the morning anyway. Apparently because my body had decided that was as late as it was capable of sleeping. I woke up with a start, my head aching — probably leftover tension from the other days. And to make it worse, I wasn't feeling little right away, which put me in a bad mood immediately. That was supposed to be my day with Daddy. I wanted to be with him and get treated like a baby, but it seemed like adult Mikey was winning out. Baby wasn't showing up. I wondered if it was because I hadn't had time for a scene lately — I'd been working even on Sundays to finish reports for the week. Going that long without any contact with my little side made it harder to let it come out. I started feeling upset about it, but I tried not to pressure myself, because I knew the more I tried to force it, the worse it got.

Daddy was waiting for me at the table with breakfast already made.

"Morning, sweetheart," he said.

"Morning, Daddy," I said.

And just from that, he already knew I probably wasn't in my baby headspace — so he kept talking to me normally, without using that special voice he used when I was little, without words like "champ" and "buddy" that he liked using in those moments.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asked.

I shrugged. Yeah. No baby Mikey today. That bummed me out a little, because I really wanted to just play with my toys, wear a diaper, and have my pacifier.

"I can't believe I'm not able to get into little space," I told him, eating the quiche he'd made.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. You're probably just too stressed from everything lately. It'll come naturally," he said.

And to make it worse, I didn't even feel like crying, which usually happened if he talked to me in that soothing voice. I kept eating my breakfast, upset, but I realized that if I stayed in that grumpy mood, I was never going to relax enough to drop into little space at all — which was a safe place for me, somewhere I felt happy and far away from all my adult responsibilities. The more I pressured myself, the farther away it felt.

He seemed to notice, because he always noticed everything.

"How about we go out today? What do you think?" he asked.

I nodded.