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Chapter 25. Mikey

I couldn't stop thinking about Max crying.

Even after Daddy told us he was okay. Even after Max came back out of the quieter hallway with Dominic beside him and gave JJ that tiny smile from across the room. Even after the Halloween party picked itself back up around us like nothing had happened.

I was still so sad. The whole room was buzzing with that party atmosphere, orange lights flickering, music playing, people laughing and moving between tables in costumes, but everything felt wrong to me now, like Halloween had suddenly turned into something sad.

JJ was sitting directly beside Daddy, exactly where Daddy had told him to stay. He wasn't allowed to participate in any scenes or activities for the rest of the night, and he wasn't allowed to organize, arrange, matchmake, help, or interfere with anybody else's decisions. He'd been quiet ever since we came back out of the private room, which was so unlike JJ that it made the knot in my stomach worse.

Sawyer was sitting across from us. Daddy had already told both of us that we weren't in trouble, but Sawyer had decided to stay anyway. I hadn't even really decided anything. I was just standing there beside Daddy's chair, staring down at my hands, my eyes stinging every time I remembered Max's face on that stage.

Daddy noticed, because he always noticed. He turned toward me and held out one hand.

"Come here, sweetheart."

I went immediately. He pulled me between his knees first and looked up at me.

"You're very little right now, aren't you?"

I nodded.

"Do you want words, or do you want quiet?"

That almost made me cry all over again.

"Quiet," I whispered. Daddy reached into the bag he'd brought with our things and pulled out my paci-gag. It looked almost like a ball gag, except there was a pacifier instead of a ball, with soft straps that buckled behind my head. I liked it when I was really little because once Daddy fastened it, I didn't have to decide whether I should talk. I could just stop.

"You want this one?" I nodded quickly. "You want Daddy to buckle it?" Another nod. "Good boy."

He pressed the pacifier gently against my lips. I opened my mouth and took it, and he fastened the strap behind my head, checking the fit with his fingers before kissing my forehead.

"Lap." I climbed onto him. Daddy wrapped one big arm around my back and settled me against his chest. "You stay right here with me until you tell me you want something different. You don't need to talk to anybody. You don't need to fix anything. You don't need to take care of anybody. Understand?"

I nodded against his shirt.

"Good."

That was exactly what I needed. I curled against him and let the familiar weight of his arm hold me together. His shirt smelled like him, and his body was warm underneath me, and gradually the rest of the room started feeling farther away.

Daddy went back to talking quietly with Elizabeth and Jeffrey. Sawyer stayed nearby. JJ barely spoke at all. Every once in a while Daddy's hand moved slowly over my back, or his arm tightened around me for a second.

I knew he was still thinking about Max too.

After a while, Daddy looked down at me. I must have tensed again without realizing it. His fingers touched my cheek.

"You still thinking it's somehow your fault?"

My eyes filled immediately. I looked down. Daddy tipped my chin back up.

"No."

I blinked at him.

"JJ made a mistake tonight," he said quietly. "We talked about it. He's going to have consequences for it after we've all slept and everyone's calmer. But you didn't do anything wrong." I tried to look toward JJ. Daddy gently turned my face back. "Eyes on me, baby.”

I obeyed.

"You knew your brother wanted to help his friend. You didn't know every detail. You didn't pressure Max. You didn't arrange the scene. And when things went wrong, you cared about him."