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Hopelessly Devoted

Page 99

by A.M. Myers

A thrill runs through me and he hops to his feet, leaving me sitting on the blanket as he runs into the house. He comes back out a moment later with a radio in his hand. Setting it down on the porch railing, he flicks it on, and a slow, soulful melody floats out of the speakers. I stand as he comes down the stairs and holds his hand out to me. As soon as I take it, he gives it a tug, spinning me into his arms, and a startled laugh spills out of me.

“Okay, maybe I believe you.”

He just grins as he puts his hand on my side, and he starts leading me back and forth through the grass. My heart thumps in my chest, happiness shooting out of it with every beat.

“So, why did you move away from here?” I ask, and he tenses for a brief second before sighing.

“Because I bought the house next to you for Sophia.”

“Did you guys come out here a lot?” I ask, and he shakes his head, looking uncomfortable.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, actually. I never even felt like bringing her here, and I never thought that was weird. Now, though, I don’t know.”

I pull back and look up at him. “You don’t know what?”

“It feels wrong to even say,” he says, almost to himself, as he looks away.

“You can tell me anything, Logan.”

His gaze meets mine again, and the sorrow in his eyes is overwhelming. “I loved Sophia, I swear, I fucking did, but being with you and the way I feel now, I don’t know if it would have lasted. I don’t want to tarnish her memory but if I’m being honest, maybe we weren’t right for each other. She came into my life at a time when I really fucking needed her, and I fell in love with her but it’s not the same as what I feel for you, Ali.”

What the hell do you say when the man you love compares you to his dead fiancée? Apparently, nothing, since I just stand here and gawk at him for a moment before getting my bearings.

“Shit. Forget I said that.”

I shake my head. “Did you mean it?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, I won’t forget it. It’s okay that you loved her, Logan, and it’s okay that you love me. You don’t have to explain anything to me, and loving me doesn’t cheapen what you had with her. Plus, you’re a different person now than you were then. Her death changed you, and maybe that’s why you found me.”

“I think I fell in love with you the moment I met you but I felt so goddamn guilty about it, like moving on and being happy again would mean I didn’t love Sophia, but I’m willing to live with this guilt for the rest of my life because it’s better than living for a hundred years without you.”

Tears sting my eyes, and I reach up, pressing my hand to his chest. “Please don’t feel guilty. If she truly loved you, she would want you to be happy again. It’s the only thing in the world that I would want for you if something happened to me.”

He blinks, and pain crosses his face. I hate it but I know he needs to hear this, even if it reminds him that he could lose me.

“You know, you’re kinda good with the words,” he says finally, looking at me as happiness overshadows the pain that was just clouding his gaze.

I burst into laughter and shake my head at him. “God, I hope so.”

“You see me, Kitten. Past all the stuff that’s just on the surface, you get me and you accept my past. When I was being pulled under by pain, you pulled me out and around you, I could finally breathe again. I had no fucking choice but to fall in love with you because you stole my fucked-up heart the moment you looked up at me from your front lawn. That’s why I’m doing this,” he whispers, pulling a ring out of the pocket of his jeans as his smile melts away. My mouth pops open, and I stare up at him before my gaze falls to the ring pinched between his thumb and finger.

“What are you doing?” I ask, even though I’ve already got a pretty damn good idea what he’s doing.

“Askin’ you to marry me,” he says, his voice full of nerves, and I suck in a breath as I look at the ring. I meet his eyes again, shaking my head, and he starts to pull away. I grab him and keep him from backing away from me.

“Nothing sounds better than a lifetime with you, Logan, but I can’t say yes right now.”

His brow crinkles, and the hurt in his eyes kills me. “Why the hell not?”

I have no idea how Chris would react if he saw a ring on my finger, and as much as I hate the fact that he’s controlling my life, I can’t let anything happen to Logan. He’s everything to me. I just hope he understands. “Because I’m afraid of what will happen to you if I put that ring on my finger. I can’t lose you.”

He studies me for a second before understanding dawns on his face, and he cups my cheek. “You’re worried about me?”