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My voice hitches as I finally let it out. I let the tears fall. “But I-I came.” I want to fucking be sick.

“It was your body reacting.” Her own voice shakes.

I tighten my hold on her, that dam relentlessly pouring.

“Open your eyes, Kain. I want you to watch me while I ride you,” Lacey pants.

I can’t open my eyes, and I wouldn’t even if I could. I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to feel this.

I just want my Jordie.

“I let her do it,” I sob.

Jordie shakes her head, her own body holding me tighter. “She coaxed you into it, Kain. She manipulated you. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault,” she murmurs into my hair.

I thought it was easier to sit with all of this by myself, to drown with the thoughts of blaming myself, but…

“You can’t blame yourself for this. Please, don’t blame yourself for this,” Jordie whispers, her breaths shaky.

It wasn’t my fault.

I don’t know how long we sat there with me sobbing into her hair, and her just holding me before we walked back to our wing, fingers intertwined, in a solemn silence. The sunrise was already peeking through my balcony, and she sat there with me through it. The warm, orange hue glowing on her face while she watched it and I watched her. She is my sunrise.

I didn’t feel hated, I felt seen. Understood. And validated. That anchor slowly feeling lighter.

And if I didn’t know any better, I’d say I felt loved.

25

Kain

My heart bashes against my chest as I take cover behind one of the castle pillars. The guard walks in the opposite direction and I take the opportunity to bolt towards my car, laptop in tow and the USB stick burning a hole in my pocket. The stick isn’t the only thing that’s weighing heavily in my jeans because the gun I found lying on Heath’s desk is too. A real gun. I had to take it with me, it’s pretty clear nowhere in this town is safe, and that gun just confirmed it. How long has he had it? How long until he used it? Or worse—used it on Jordie.

Breaking into Heath’s office to get the laptop was easy—too easy. If I had anyone on my side in this castle, then I’d think someone was helping me. But the only person that could would be Jordie, and she’s been locked away in her room all morning. Not to mention, Dorrian was patrolling our floor, so there was no way she got past him.

She brought me back to bed last night and I crashed. For the first time in years, I slept soundly with everything that was weighing on me. Jordie didn’t run. She didn’t hurt me with her words. She stayed and she listened. She held me. I’d be lying and a fool if I said those feelings still weren’t there—they are, but I can start slowly beginning to accept that my own thoughts are lying to me.

It wasn’t my fault.

The engine roars to life and I don’t skip a beat before racing out of the castle grounds. I push my foot to the accelerator, reaching a hundred miles an hour down the forested path. I can’t have anyone following me, and if they do, I’ll lose them quickly.

Jordie has proved time and time again that she’s capable of handling herself, and I need to see what’s on these files. If she can handle me, she can handle anything. And she has a lock on her door.

It won’t be long before Heath notices his laptop is missing. Jordie’s given me a mission, and I will do my best to complete it.

Driving to the warehouse, I stop, turn off the engine, then grab my laptop from the passenger seat, hastily powering it up before shoving the stick into the port. My knee bounces as it seems to take forever to connect, but once it does, I slam my finger on the pad to open the folder. As soon as it does, my stomach knots.

It takes me a second to register what I’m seeing.

Files.

Files upon files from someone's phone labelled ‘Jordan and Kain’, and all of them are pictures of us.

My breaths come in heavy as I scroll through them all.

They’re all sexual. There’s not one clean picture. Most are zoomed in on our most intimate areas. The same pictures from the night she was taken are also on there.

My throat burns with acid, bile threatening to spew out of my mouth.