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All in all, Johanna felt better than she had in months, if not years. So much so that she was starting to wonder how she would bear to see Cadell leave. It was not just that, thanks to him, people had started to take notice, and even show her some respect, it was that she was finally living the life she had dreamed of.

He made her feel safe and appreciated and she did with him what she had wanted to do with Rhun, what she had never been able to do. See to her people and domains by day and sleep in the warmth of a man’s embrace by night.

After a few days she started to wonder if she would not like to do more than simply sleep. Not that Cadell ever overstepped the boundaries of propriety. To her surprise, and increasing dismay, he had not attempted another kiss. He had told her the night of the storm that it would not happen again and he was keeping his word.

Yes… But unholy desire had started to plague her night and day.

It had been more than a year since she had slept with her husband so perhaps she shouldn’t be surprised. After all, in Rhun’s arms she had discovered a passionate nature that had not vanished just because he had eventually lost interest in her. On the contrary. The less he visited her bed, the more she craved his touch.

But the ardent man she had married had slowly disappeared, devoting his time and energy to the Welsh Cause, rather than to the wife he had married in haste, leaving her to deal with the frustration. Johanna had had no choice but to make her peace with that.

But perhaps the time for resignation was over.

9

“What are you doing?”

Johanna froze. The question, and even more specifically the anguish in Cadell’s voice, made her realize what she had done. Lost to the last vestiges of sleep, lulled by the comfort of a warm male body lying next to her, she had started to stroke his chest, against which her cheek was resting. And then, almost of its own accord, her hand had ventured over his stomach, getting dangerously low, as if in search of something. Something she had not felt in what seemed like forever.

Something she had missed and wanted.

Now.

Unfortunately, Cadell seemed to have other ideas. He left the pallet as abruptly as if the straw had suddenly caught fire.

“I have to go,” he mumbled. “Today will be a busy day. There is the replacing of the postern gate to supervise and the grooms are waiting for me to⁠—”

“All that can wait a moment. I’m sorry, Cadell, I didn’t mean to upset you. Please look at me.” Johanna raised herself to her knees and took his wrist in her hand. Had she scared him away with her caresses? That had not been her intention.

“I…can’t look at you. Not now.”

“Yes, now. Please.”

Slowly, he turned around, and she understood why he’d told her he could not face her. Despite the hose he always insisted on wearing in bed, she could see that he was fully, shockingly, magnificently erect. And because he was standing by the pallet and she was on her knees, his shaft was pointing straight at her mouth.

She swallowed, because now she understood why he always left the bed precipitously in the morning, often before she woke up. This confirmation that she affected him as much as he affected her thrilled her, because her whole body had gone liquid with need at the sight of his desire. Finally, she would be able to indulge in the desire she had battled for days.

As would Cadell.

“You want me,” she stated.

He seemed to hesitate, and then to realize that lying was pointless. Or perhaps with his body afire, he simply didn’t have the presence of mind to think of a suitable lie.

“I’ve wanted you every moment of every day since you came back to Wales and I saw you at the banquet.” A pause. The brown in his eyes darkened until they became almost as black as hers. “Hell, Johanna, I’ve wanted you all these years, ever since I saw you at Castell y Ddraig ten years ago, when I watched you ride through the gate on your white palfrey. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. You still are. So yes, I want you.”

Though for the first time he had used her name, he spoke with a flat voice that tugged at her heart. It was as if he had resigned himself, knowing things would never change, as if he had accepted that his desire for her would be a constant torment he would never be able to satisfy. But she didn’t think it fair he should torture himself thus. She didn’t want to deny him when he needed intimacy.

Because she needed the same thing.

“Have you done something about the desire you feel?”

He had been at Bryn Glas for almost a month now. He had rarely left her side during the day, and he slept with her every night, which meant that he had not had the time or the opportunity to seduce a woman. So, had he stroked himself under the cover of darkness, while she slept, to alleviate his frustration? Somehow she doubted it.

“No. There is nothing to be done.” This time Cadell spoke through gritted teeth. “It will go down eventually.”

Yes, she knew that. But perhaps there was a better way.

“Let me help.”