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Johanna woke up on her pallet in the solar, with Cadell lying by her side. The sun was pouring in through the window. She had no idea how long she had lain there. It could have been moments, it could have been days. But the ache in her chest instantly told her that something was wrong. And it didn’t take her long to remember what that something was.

“Is it true?” she whispered, looking deep into Cadell’s eyes.

“Yes, it’s true.”

Of course, it was true. Her husband was dead, killed in a most horrid way. And he had died in her arms. Rhun ap Maredudd the formidable warrior, was finally dead. A sob exploded in her chest.

Burrowing into Cadell’s arms, she started to cry. This man was all she had left in this world now and she clung to him, convinced that she would shatter without his hold around her. Then a terrible thought slashed through her. Was she deluded? Could she really rely on him? They had been prevented from getting married at the last moment, for the most shocking of reasons. Then a day later, her husband had died, saving Cadell’s life, giving them his blessing. She wasn’t sure how, or even if they could recover from the bewildering series of events.

As if he agreed that things had become a lot more complicated between them, Cadell didn’t talk, didn’t try to reassure her; he simply held her all the while, and rocked her against his chest while she shed tears that did little to appease her sorrow.

When he finally drew back from her, she gasped. The cut under his eye had been cleaned but it was deep enough that it would leave a scar and there were bruises dotted along his jaw. But it was not his injuries that made him look nothing like his usual, relaxed self. It was the grim expression on his face.

Before he opened his mouth, Johanna guessed what he was about to say. She braced herself.

“I will leave.”

Even though she had expected the declaration, everything within her rebelled.

Cadell was leaving, when only a moment ago she had thought he was all she had left. It seemed that she had been woefully wrong. But if he left, with no husband, no child, no family, no real home and no purpose, what would she do?

“You are leaving?” She could barely push the question past her lips, could barely accept the notion.

He lay down next to her, staring at the ceiling.

“I cannot stay. I’m sure you understand.” His voice was full of anguish, as if he were speaking out loud words he didn’t want to say. “We were supposed to marry. I thought that my suffering was finally over, and my life was complete. And then I saw that it had all been just an illusion, that you had never been mine.”

No. But she could be his now.

“I can⁠—”

“I know. But not now, not yet,” he cut in, his voice reduced to a whisper. “I’m sorry. I could not.”

Not when he owed his happiness to another man, a man she had once chosen over him. It would sting, undoubtedly, and there would be no sense in insisting. Instead, she wove her fingers through his and held his hand until the sun reached her face. Then she turned to look at him. Dear God, he was so beautiful.

“So what now?”

Cadell brushed a strand of hair from her face, the gesture so tender it threatened to start her tears again.

“I’ve promised to go rescue Rhun’s cousin. So I will go to England, find this Rhiannon, and see what transpires.”

Ah, yes, the mission they had been entrusted with. It was a good idea. Perhaps having something to focus on would ease Cadell’s pain? Having something to do together might also help them overcome the new awkwardness growing between them.

“Yes. We can leave on the morrow. The people here don’t need⁠—”

“I will go alone.”

It was then that Johanna understood that he didn’t want something else to focus on together. He wanted distance from her. Fulfilling his mission was the perfect way to get it.

There was another silence.

Then Cadell repeated, “It’s too soon, it’s too hard. I’m sorry.”

Johanna’s heart skipped a beat. “What are you saying?”

That because it was too hard, he didn’t want to try? That he had lost all hope for them? Please, don’t let it be that. She could deal with anything but that.