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She let his words wash over her. He wasn’t judging her. He was accepting her and this moment exactly as they were. A calm settled over her, a feeling that she could say exactly what she wanted to and that he would listen.
‘I like the fact that they make me look up,’ she continued. ‘Whenever I get too caught up in my own little life down here, it’s reassuring to look up and see the stars. To know that there is something far bigger than me up there, above me at all times. It gives me perspective, and it’s helped me at so many times to take a breath and look at the sky.’
‘I’ve never thought of it like that before,’ he said. ‘But I understand that. It’s like things will carry on around you, no matter what happens. The world will keep turning.’ She thought she heard something in his voice. Maybe sadness, or regret.
‘Exactly that,’ she said, her voice urgent, having thought the same a thousand times herself.
‘When did you get so interested in it all?’ He put his cup down, and turned back to her, even closer now. Her right thigh was touching his. Their elbows pressed together as she passed him her empty cup. When he settled back against the bed, the gap was gone. She could feel the warmth of the length of his body, solid and strong, right there beside her. Was he as aware of her as she was of him?
‘I’ve always loved the stars,’ she said, ‘but I really surrendered to them six years ago – today, in fact, is my anniversary.’
‘An anniversary of star gazing?’
‘No, an anniversary of almost getting married,’ she said. ‘Six years ago today, my fiancé decided not to turn up for our wedding.’
She heard his sharp intake of breath.
‘Ouch,’ he said, so softly. ‘Robyn, that’s awful.’
She nodded, silently, in agreement at the understatement of the year.
‘I have never heard of anyone getting jilted in real life,’ he said. ‘I thought it was just on TV.’
She laughed softly, wishing she could say the same.
‘Jilted is such a funny word,’ she said. ‘It’s so expressive. It shows that something is actually being done to you. You’re powerless. You’re being jilted and there’s nothing you can do about it.’
‘That’s such a terrible thing to happen to you,’ he said and this time she could feel his breath on her face. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘That’s when I thought I’d rather put my trust in the universe than in a man,’ she replied. ‘As it seems I can’t ever depend on a man to commit to me, whereas the universe is always there.’
She nodded again at the sky, watching for the first sign that the shower was about to begin. The stars twinkled back, but nothing blazed. Not yet.
‘Do you not think he was just the wrong man for you, though?’
Robyn shook her head.
‘He was, as far as I knew, the love of my life. I’m not up for being rejected again. I don’t think my heart could take it.’ She paused, feeling an unexpected burn of tears in her eyes, a swell of emotion blocking her throat. She swallowed and blinked, but the words still fell from her mouth.
‘The problem is that Finn wasn’t the first man to reject me. My dad decided he wanted nothing to do with me when I was a baby. I was about the same age as Willow is now when he took off and never came back.’
She pressed her lips firmly together and fought to keep control of herself. Saying it out loud was like unlocking a door that had been kept tightly shut for a very long time. Suddenly everything inside her felt like it wanted to spill out.
‘Because of my dad, I think all I ever wanted was a family of my own. One that stayed together. But then Finn happened, and I couldn’t take it again.’ She bit her lips, hard.
‘And what about Willow’s dad?’ Fox asked and Robyn’s heart felt like it would burst, banging against her ribs as a tear ran down her cheek. She brushed at it with her fingertips, hoping he hadn’t seen.
‘I’m terrified of history repeating itself,’ she admitted, her arms aching suddenly for her daughter, and her heart wanting more than anything for Fox to know Willow was his, and for him to accept her and love her as a father should. Not like her own. But she was still scared of how Fox might react; she wasn’t ready to tell him. It felt like she’d shared enough already tonight.
‘Sorry, don’t know why I’m telling you all that.’ Her voice broke and she gulped, feeling very alone beneath a very big sky. That is, until Fox scooped his arm around her and pulled her into his side so that her ear rested on his shoulder. He tucked the duvet around her as though he were tucking one of the boys in to bed. His scent surrounded her, and her breath shuddered out slowly as her body relaxed. He murmured something that she didn’t catch, talking into her hair, soothing her. His coat was comfortable and soft under her cheek and she felt her body melt into his.
‘I’m so sorry, Robyn,’ he said. ‘It seems you’ve met all the wrong men so far.’
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Fox
The raw pain in Robyn’s voice was impossible to ignore. Fox couldn’t just lie there beside her, hearing that hurt and seeing the little tremble on her lip. The tears she tried to hide were the last straw. He pulled her in and tucked her under his arm. It just happened. He wanted to hold her, to make her feel better. Her hair was silky under his chin where she laid her head on his shoulder. And it felt so good as she rested against him. She was such a strong woman, so fiercely independent, that it surprised him how much he wanted to care for her when she showed such vulnerability.