Page 44

“That’s not true—”

“But it is. I have to work so hard to barely get by. I’m not naturally smart, so I struggle to keep up; numbers jumble in my head no matter how hard I try. You and everyone else get to just be students. I’m the scholarship kid, the one they expect to slip eventually, and if I fall behind, there’s nothing catching me. No cushion, no influential parent to smooth it over or make a call to fix it for me.”

“You ever think maybe your studies would come more naturally if you didn’t put so much pressure on them?” he says, frustration and concern both saturating his words. “If you focus too much, if you’re too tired, you’re bound to miss things.”

“I’m not taking advice from someone like you.”

“Why do you keep separating us?” His voice rises, defensive.

“Because we are separate!”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Yes, I have a good family and I get good grades, and I have a lot of friends, but I’m not going to apologize for having a good life, Lopez. It’s like you’re mad at me for some reason.”

“I’m not mad at you.” I’m jealous. “I’m mad at me, at my brain. You just don’t get it. You’ll never get it.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Why? It’s true. We’re different,” I say.

He crosses his arms. “So what?”

“So stop trying to relate to me. Stop trying to be nice to me. I’m working on your case but we don’t need to hang out. We don’t need to interact.”

“But I want to,” he says firmly, standing with his legs apart like he’s ready to fight for another thirty minutes.

“But I don’t.” I look at him right in the eye. “You’re a walking reminder of what I don’t have, what I’m not.”

He falters. “I don’t want you to look at me that way.”

“I don’t want to look at you at all,” I say, and it feels horrible to get out. I feel mean and angry and the words aren’t even true. But I can’t stop myself.

“You’re sick and upset. Let’s stop yelling at each other.” He tries to cross the distance between us.

I move away. “You’re even nicer than me!”

“Violet, please,” he begs but stops when I keep adding distance between us. “I’ll leave you alone,” he says on a sigh, “but not until you go to the nurse. Get a Gatorade. Eat something, like an actual meal. And I promise I’ll let you be.”

“Fine,” I say, turning on my heel to walk to the school. “I’ll go now. Don’t follow me.”

I storm off. Each step I take makes me feel worse and worse for blowing up at Theo. Some of it I meant, because I don’t think Theo or anyone else in this school understands what it’s like to be someone so below their family’s tax bracket. I can’t even afford the school’s yearly lunch payment.

My dad doesn’t pressure me, and I’m grateful for it, but I can’t help but want, no need, to do better for him. He’s getting older and without my mom I’m the only person who can help. And what if something were to ever happen to my dad? He’s the only one with a job and an income; what then? From my mom’s hospital stays, we learned the health care system is meant to drive families into debt.

There’s this weight on my shoulders every moment of every day.

It may seem like one quiz problem to Theo, but for me, one slipup feels world ending. Like if I do one, hundreds of mistakes will follow. I have to get everything right. I don’t have the luxury of a photographic memory or a brain that easily picks up on new things or a high-income household.

If I’m not studying, not only do I feel like I’m wasting my time—I’m risking my future.

I hear my name when I make it inside the school. I audibly groan and weirdly feel tears filling my eyes. I can’t deal with this right now.

Rachel strides over to me, her skirt high up and her blazer nowhere in sight. If I did that, I’d get a penalty for being out of uniform. Three strikes and I’d be kicked out. My dad couldn’t make a generous donation to the school to keep my place.

Though I wasn’t fully mad at Theo, there’s such a strong, intense dislike that floods me at the sight of Rachel. “I’ve been hearing some interesting things about you,” she says when she reaches me.

“Text me the rest of this story.” I turn to leave.

She grips my wrist tightly and spins me back around. “Somebody saw you and Theo at the fall festival together. Rumors are spreading that you two are becoming pretty close.”