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Dial answered the door, her eyes puffy and bloodshot. “It’s too early for this.”
“Hi.”
“Are you lost?”
“Constantly.” I half smirked.
She looked past me, assessing the day ahead. “What do you want?”
“I wanna talk without screaming at each other. I wanna listen, and I want you to listen to me. I’m not your enemy, Dial. I’ve never been that. I’ve been dumb and a whole lot of stupid, but I’ve always been on your side.”
She stared at me expressionless. I sensed there was a battle of wills raging in her head, one half wanting to tell me to fuck off, the other willing to hear me out. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back with a shake. Her shoulders, which had been ramrod straight when she opened the door, relaxed slightly. “Do you want tea?”
“That would be nice.” She stepped aside, and I crossed the threshold. We were off to a solid start, because I’d been expecting her to slam the door in my face. “How’d you sleep?”
“I didn’t.”
“Same. I don’t like it when we quarrel.”
After filling the kettle, she set it on the stovetop before joining me at the kitchen table. She waited for me to speak my piece. I was usually the one who extended the olive branch, apologizing first even when it wasn’t my fault. When Dial apologized, it was less about words and more about a series of actions: my favorite snack in the pantry, offering to massage my sore muscles after a day’s work. Sometimes it was just a look that told me all was forgiven.
Clearing my throat, I went first. “You came to my spot and the things you said caught me off guard, and I became defensive and a little hurt. But I’m here now because I’m ready to listen.”
Dial’s eyes were focused on the solid oak kitchen table. “Last night didn’t go the way I planned. I came there to talk, not argue. Like you, I got pretty upset, but something you said really stuck out to me.”
“What?”
Her gaze flashed over my face before landing back on the table. “You said you were terrified, and I’ve been kicking myself all night over that. Because I couldn’t really ever see past my own hurt and embarrassment to consider what you were going through.”
“We were both fighting separate battles.”
“When we should’ve been shoulder to shoulder, fighting together.” She released a mirthless chuckle.
“You have to remember we were really young, and I’m not using that as an excuse, just stating facts. So, when everything went down, I relied on our parents. It was difficult witnessing you struggle, and I wanted to fix it. I can absolutely own that I should’ve included you in the decision making. It should’ve been our choice.”
She fingered the fringes of a placemat before finally looking at me. “I’m not saying it was the wrong decision. I needed help, but it hurt to be left alone and strapped to a bed. You said we were in this together, but in the hospital it didn’t feel like it—and that fucked me up, ’cause I thought you’d deserted me.”
Years of being trained to keep my distance was the only reason I didn’t eliminate the space between us and pull her close. Suppressing the urge to love this woman drained me. Meaning nothing to her would destroy me.
“I never left. I staked out the waiting area, hoping to see you. But the doctor said it wasn’t a good time for visitors. And everyone was talking about a ‘wellness plan’ and ‘next steps.’ They kept looking at me, and I was way out of my depth. You normally made the adult decisions for us. Everything got so claustrophobic. Our parents were fighting. Your mom was claiming I didn’t get a say because we weren’t married. And part of me was relieved, because if it had been left up to me, I’d most likely have picked the wrong option, making everything worse.”
“I didn’t know that.” Her features, which were normally stoic, betrayed her. Dial’s brow was furrowed as she glanced around the room, attempting to piece memories together, in search of answers. The kettle whistled, and she fetched it before filling our cups. “My parents never wanted to talk about that week. They claimed it wasn’t helpful for my recovery.”
“I would never abandon you when you needed me most. But when you were released, you declined all my calls, and if I stopped by the house your mom would tell me you were asleep or not there. I knew it was a lie, so I could only assume you didn’t want to see me.”
“Because I didn’t know how to face you. My stint in the hospital didn’t mean I was miraculously cured. Every day I was a weepy mess, and my family was on suicide watch. I couldn’t take a piss alone for months.” She chewed on her thumbnail before continuing, “And my momma said I shouldn’t burden you, not when you were looking after Maple on your own. I just felt so helpless, and I didn’t want you to see me like that.”
“Dial, I can barely remember my life before we met. And since then, I’ve been chasing around after this firefly of a girl. I don’t just love you when things are easy—I love you all the time. I’ve loved you all this time. And I ain’t gonna lie, it pisses me off to this day that you didn’t let me take care of you.”
“People say they can handle it,” she said. “They promise to be there, but love is conditional. I learned that lesson pretty early on in life.”
“There are no conditions that would change the way I feel about you. I’ve loved you for so long that there is no other state of being for me. Life is all just make-believe without you. I go to my big-boy job and boss people around. I compare the Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal to the value-brand Cinnamon Toasters. I go home to cook, do laundry, maybe I’ll watch an episode of Deadliest Catch. But none of that shit is living—it’s just ticking off boxes.”
“People have been telling us we belong together for so long that maybe we just bought into the hype. Ozzie and Dial. Here comes Ozzie and Dial. Have you heard from Ozzie and Dial? I ran into Ozzie and Dial at the Gas Guzzle.”
“I like to think we’re destined, not some self-fulfilling prophecy.”
She threw her hands in the air. “If we’re meant to be, then why is it so hard?”
