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“I just thought this was…the fibroids. I was so used to feeling like crap…” I put a hand on the small, rounded bulge that was my stomach for the first time in months.

A baby.

My swollen stomach was a baby. Not a belly full of tumors, but a baby.

I was pregnant.

“Your fibroids don’t seem to be causing any problems for the pregnancy. The tumors actually appear to have shrunk quite a bit since your last visit,” Dr. Angelo said, flipping through my chart. “It’s not uncommon for the pregnancy hormones to have this effect.”

The last four months began to come at me in flashes. “But I drank. And I didn’t take vitamins and…and…”

“The occasional drink won’t harm the pregnancy. Even getting a little tipsy once or twice won’t hurt the baby. And while prenatals are ideal, you can get most of what you need in your normal diet.”

I gasped for air. I was getting dizzy. I covered my mouth with my hands, and then I broke down. Body-wrenching sobs. I clutched Josh again, and he buried me in his chest.

Neither of us could contain our emotions. You could probably hear us through the whole clinic, laughing and wailing like lunatics.

The doctor handed Josh and me tissues. “I’m recommending you take it easy, and we’d like to see you gain a little weight. You’re about ten pounds from where you should be. A pregnancy requires an extra three hundred calories a day. It’ll take everything you have if you don’t eat properly, and we want you nice and strong for the delivery, Mrs. Copeland.”

The room whirled around me. I couldn’t catch up to it.

Pregnant. Me. Me and Josh.

When the doctor finally left the room after I’d asked all my questions and I got to see the baby again on the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat, Josh and I sat hugging.

“It was that night,” I said. “The night of Sloan’s party.”

He laughed and wiped a wet strand of hair off my cheek. “The first time. It was the only time we didn’t use condoms back then. One shot and I knocked you up.”

I snorted. “It was your super sperm. Thank God you made an honest woman out of me. Dragged me right down for a civil ceremony, befitting my scandalous condition.”

He laughed. Then he hovered a hand over my stomach and looked at me for permission.

He’d touched every inch of my body but there. I nodded, and he set his warm palm over my belly button, and it was the most intimate moment of my life. He leaned over and kissed me, holding our baby under his hand.

And then the terror took over. I jerked back, suddenly frightened. “Josh, what if I miscarry? My mom lost my brother. What if it comes too early? What if it’s a girl and she has the same issues I do? What if I’m a shitty mom like my mom and I don’t know how to raise her or tell her how much I love her or…or…” Hysterics bubbled out of me.

I was now a woman who got hysterical.

“Hey, hey. You’re not going to be a shitty mom,” he said, holding my face in his hands. “You’re nothing like Evelyn. Don’t think about the what-ifs, because there’s nothing you can do to stop any of it. Let’s just enjoy this. And if things don’t go the way we planned, we’ll deal with it. Always and no matter what. Together.”

I nodded, the shaking in my hands slowing the tighter he held me.

I closed my eyes and calmed my breathing, focusing on my husband’s hands on my face and his familiar presence. My rock. The calm in my storm. The whisper to my scream.

Then I looked up at him, the final reality coming into focus. “Josh. You’re going to be a daddy.”

He gave me a sideways grin, tears and joy twinkling in his eyes. “Kristen…you are going to be a mommy.”

Epilogue

Josh

2 years later

I leaned into the back of the SUV and unbuckled Oliver Brandon from his car seat. Kristen stood next to me, a diaper bag slung over her shoulder. “You’re sure you want to do this? What if she eats him?”

I smiled, lifting the baby into my arms and grabbing his sippy cup. “Evelyn’s trying. She deserves a chance.” I closed the door and turned to her.