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And it terrified me.

I was afraid I was going to drop this ball so completely it would shatter, and I’d never be able to put it back together again.

The server set down a teapot with the house orange bergamot in it. A few minutes later our three-level tray arrived with tiny sandwiches and petit fours.

I put a sugar cube into my floral teacup. “So, how are you enjoying retirement?” I asked Mom.

She sighed. “I’m not. I miss working. I’m so happy I get to help you prepare for the gala, just to have something to do.”

Mom was going to start training me for the speech I had to give at the event. Public speaking wasn’t my thing either, but I’d have to do it nonetheless.

She put jam on a scone. “So tell me, what have you been up to?”

I stirred my tea. “Nothing.”

I hated that I couldn’t tell her about Daniel. I hated it.

While Mom and I had waited for our table, we’d wandered upstairs to the gift shop, and I’d bought a whole bag of things for him. Scone mixes and homemade lemon curd and six different kinds of loose tea. Mom asked me who it was for, and I had to lie and say it was for Bri.

Mom was squarely Team Neil. And even if she wasn’t, she’d tell Dad anything I shared with her, and then I’d hear it from him. Not that there was anything to tell. Daniel wasn’t going to be anything serious. But I didn’t like that there were entire parts of my life I felt I couldn’t talk to her about.

But wasn’t that true even when I was with Neil?

I never told them what Neil did beyond the cheating. It was weird, but I got the sense they’d blame me for it. Like Neil was so far up on their pedestal, not even emotional abuse could knock him down.

I changed the subject. “So have you talked to Derek?”

She paused. “I haven’t spoken to your brother since he left.” There was something tight about her voice. “How are you?” she asked. “I know this has been a lot of change for you. Derek leaving and Neil.”

And Dad.

He hung there in the silence.

Sometimes I thought Neil and Dad were so much alike. The same drive, the same demanding type-A personality. It’s probably why they got along so well.

“Any updates on the chief position?” she asked.

“Not yet,” I said. “I haven’t seen Gibson yet,” I added.

I know Dad had basically informed me that I’d be taking this job, whether I wanted it or not. But fortunately I actually did want it. I’d always wanted it. If I hadn’t been with Neil, I’d probably be chief already. It had come up a few times over the years, and he always found a way to talk me out of it.

I don’t think he wanted me to advance. Like it made him feel threatened that I might end up his equal in any way. I think he liked the trophy aspect of having a Montgomery for a girlfriend, as long as I stayed beneath him.

It was funny that the very thing Dad was upset about—my lack of ambition—was brought on by the same man he was demanding I reconcile with.

“I think you’d make an excellent chief, Alexis.” Mom put a hand over mine. “I know how overwhelming all this is, but you’ll find your stride. There’s so much you can do at Royaume, especially in a position of leadership. You will never find this same influence anywhere else. You will never be able to change the world the way you can here. I can’t wait to see what you do with it.”

I smiled a little.

That was the difference between Mom and Dad. Dad didn’t want me to embarrass him. He wanted to be able to brag about me and my accomplishments at dinner parties.

Mom wanted me to be effective.

She wanted to help people. And you know what? So did I.

I didn’t want it. I didn’t sign up for it. But Mom was right. I really could do amazing things here.

I just had to figure out what those things were going to be.