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With the armchairs gone and the sofa not getting delivered for a few more days, the only place to watch TV was on my bed. I liked this so much I was hoping the universe would intervene on my behalf and my new sofa would fall off the back of a truck.
The last time we watched TV in there, she’d fallen asleep. When I woke up in the morning, she’d already gone back to her air mattress, but still.
We brushed our teeth next to each other in my bathroom. Then she shut the door to change into an old T-shirt and some shorts I liked, and came out and climbed under my comforter.
It was moments like these that made my heart ache more than usual, because it was so easy to picture us together. Just another night in the casual life of a happy relationship. We were a couple in love, getting ready for bed, watching TV.
Only we weren’t.
We were friends. Maybe even less than friends, since I didn’t have any way to know if she’d even be here if it wasn’t for what I was doing for Benny.
“You look tired,” she said. “You okay?”
No, I spent the whole day concocting scenarios about you and Levi in my head?
“It’s just been a long day.”
She turned onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow. “Are you going to be okay for tomorrow? That’s a lot of socializing two days in a row.”
Tomorrow was the bachelor party. The guys were all going bar hopping in a limo, and Amy was having a girls’ thing at my parents’ house.
“I’ll be okay.”
“You sure? A limo? Bars? Extroverts spawn at night, it could be really bad.”
I snorted.
“The Evite Amy sent me said we’re making candles,” Briana said, grimacing. “She didn’t want to go ride a mechanical bull in a wedding veil? Do something fun?”
“I guess not,” I said. “Maybe she really wants to make candles?”
Briana nodded at me. “I’ll make you one. What essential oil do you want?”
I rubbed my forehead. “Something for stress.”
It was nice that Amy invited her. She was trying to include Briana, and I appreciated it.
I, on the other hand, wished I hadn’t been invited to the bachelor party. Spending a night in a limo going to loud bars with a group of my brother’s drunk friends made me preemptively exhausted. I almost didn’t RSVP. But then Briana made a good point, that if I didn’t, it would look like I wasn’t okay. I was Jeremiah’s only brother. I had to be there. And I especially had to be there if I was attempting to look supportive.
And also, if I didn’t go, Briana wouldn’t go to Amy’s party.
My sisters and mom would be there. It mattered to me that Briana was a part of the things that my family did. That they embraced her.
Even though none of that would matter in two months—not that we’d talked about the ending or when exactly it would take place. But two months from now the wedding would be over and I’d be over a month post-op. The agreement would be fulfilled.
How much longer could I expect her to stay?
I went quiet at this and stared at the show on the TV, looking right at it and not seeing a thing.
Her cell phone pinged in the silence. She picked it up and laughed.
“Who’s that?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s just Levi.” She bit her lip while she typed in her reply.
Levi.
“You’ve been talking to him a lot today,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.