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I wiped under my eyes with the top of my shirt. “Maybe the flinch is the only thing that keeps you from getting hurt again.”

“Maybe the flinch is the only thing that keeps you from being happy.”

I looked at her and she held my gaze steadily. “Bri, you are the bravest woman I know. So be brave.”

My chin quivered.

She reached over and pulled some tissues from a box and put them in my hands. “He really loves you. I could tell before I even met him. I could tell by the way you talked about him that he did. Even Daniel saw it.”

I clutched the Kleenex in my lap for a long moment, just staring at the translucent spots my tears made on the tissues as they fell.

“I have to go,” I said, my voice weak. “I have to go see him before they take him in.”

I rallied what little of my strength I had left and stood.

Alexis looked up at me from her seat. “Bri? When he tells you he loves you, believe it. Be brave and believe it.”

I took a deep breath and gave her a nod, even though I knew I wouldn’t.

I wandered the halls until I found his room. Jacob’s face lit up the second he saw me. It made me feel guilty and horrible and exhausted.

He was in a hospital gown with a blanket over his lap. His handsome face was tired and maybe a little anxious. But mostly it was searching. Like he was hoping to see something on my face that I know he didn’t see.

I sat on the chair next to his bed while they finished putting in his IV. It was one of those quiet moments where I used to think we were agreeing to be harmless to each other. Only I wasn’t being harmless to him. And I didn’t trust he wouldn’t be harmless to me.

When the nurse finished up and finally left us alone, he held out his palm. I scooted as close to his bed as I could. I took his warm hand, and he threaded his fingers in mine and squeezed. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head and I had to pinch my eyes shut.

“How are you?” he whispered.

“Better,” I lied.

I looked up at him. His gentle brown eyes. The face that once made me forget to be cautious and afraid.

I wanted to go back to that time. Be blissfully oblivious.

I couldn’t go back.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, forcing conversation. “Are you nervous?”

He held my gaze. “I’m not scared of what’s going to happen in there. I’m scared you won’t be there when I come out.”

My chin trembled and I had to look away from him.

“I love you,” he said.

Tears welled in the corners of my eyes.

“You know, love shows up, Briana. And even if you keep me away from you, my heart will still be where you are. So just let me be where you are.”

I was crying again. “I love you too,” I said. “I really do.”

I put my head on his bed and he put a hand on my hair and we just sat there in silence. And I got the feeling he was happy he was even getting this.

A nurse pulled back the curtain. “All right, it’s time to go. Are we ready?”

Jacob nodded, but he never took his eyes from me. They began to wheel him out, and I got up to walk next to the bed. I held his hand until we got to the double doors of the staff-only area. I leaned down and kissed him with tight lips, trying not to cry.

Maybe Jacob and I would end, right on schedule. Just like we’d always planned. Only now it wasn’t fake. Now it was too real.