Page 35

“Yes. Absolutely.”

The server set my drink down in front of me.

“Congratulations. You’re the one percent.”

I was happy I seemed to have fallen into a category that she approved of, a man in possession of complete bedroom furniture.

“I’m a hair’s breadth away from just finding other like-minded women and starting a coven,” she said, going on. “Anyway, Lieutenant Dan is pretty cute.”

I looked down at my dog, sleeping under the table at my feet.

“The rescue almost didn’t let me have him.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t like men. We think he was abused by a man when he was a baby. He wouldn’t even let me get near him.”

“How’d you work through that?” she asked, sounding impressed.

“I showed up every day. I’d bring food for him and sit down on the floor and talk softly to him until he trusted me.”

“Awwwwww. And were you the one to name him?”

“I was. It seemed appropriate.”

“What happened to his leg?”

I squeezed lime into my club soda. “We think he was born that way. Probably at a puppy mill.”

“Ugh. That’s so sad. I used to get all the abused/neglected animal videos on TikTok before the algorithm realized I didn’t like them. Animals adopting orphaned babies or military service members coming home and surprising their dogs—I am not emotionally equipped to deal with that kind of energy right now. Are you on TikTok?”

“No,” I said. “Well, sort of. I watch videos on house restorations, but I don’t post anything.”

“I’m on lesbian TikTok right now and it is the most glorious place on earth.”

“Really? I get a lot of Fail videos on my For You page, for some reason,” I said. “I hate those.”

“Me too. Like, how are you just gonna show us the accident and not give us the follow-up. I need a Six Months Later Where Are They Now video with a list of the injuries.”

“Yes. It feels like a documentary that stops just as it’s getting interesting.”

“Right? Anyway, you have to engage with the app,” she said. “Swipe away videos you don’t like, like right away so they know what you don’t want to see. You’ll be in the warm embrace of lesbian TikTok with me in no time.”

“Do the TikTok lesbians know how to remove old wallpaper? Because that’s the kind of content I need at the moment.”

“Oh, yeah. They know everything. It’s where I learned how to fold a fitted sheet.”

I made a TikTok lesbians mental note.

We stayed on the phone and talked about nothing like this for hours. The time just flew by. Talking to her was easy in a way I wasn’t used to.

She drew me out. Made me feel comfortable. And the words just flowed. She made me feel interesting, like she wanted to know about me and what I had to say. And we had a lot in common too. I guess that made sense, we had the same job. But we both liked being out in nature. We liked cultural vacations over relaxing beach ones, and we liked the same movies. We even had the same Lola Simone songs in our phones.

About an hour into the call, it started to drizzle. I squeezed in under the not-big-enough table umbrella. I’d been in such a hurry I hadn’t considered the logistics of bringing my dog. I couldn’t go inside the restaurant because of Lieutenant Dan. I could hang up with Briana and run home and drop him off, then come back. But I got the feeling if I asked to call her back, she’d just say she’d talk to me on Tuesday, and I didn’t want to risk it. So I huddled under the umbrella with rain soaking through the back of my jacket and Lieutenant Dan hiding under the table, drier than I was. The waitress looked at me like I’d lost it.

After three hours, a slice of rhubarb strawberry pie, and the sun starting to set, Briana hung up with me to go do Benny’s dialysis.

The mosquitoes were eating me alive, so it was probably a good thing—but I still wouldn’t have hung up with her first.