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“When do you want to come over and see my house?”

He looked at the door. “I can’t see it now?”

“Noooo.” I shook my head. “No no no. I have to clean first.”

And burn some sage, rip up the flooring, and take down the posters from my room that I put up in the eighth grade.

“Okay,” he said again. “How about Friday after work?”

“Sure.”

Then we just sort of stood there, looking at each other. The same way we did that day in the sob closet.

Agreeing to be harmless to each other.

The night was warm and still. Frogs and crickets were chirping from somewhere. Moths fluttered in the porch light, and the overgrown lilac bush by the light post that I really needed to deal with was in full bloom.

The porch swing looked sort of inviting. I kind of wanted to ask him to stay and just sit with him a bit and talk. But we both had work in the morning, and he was probably tired from all the peopling. But I could totally hang out with him longer. I liked him.

He glanced at the swing like he was thinking the same thing. Then he cleared his throat and put a thumb over his shoulder. “I should get going.”

“Yeah. Right.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” He paused at the top of the steps a moment like he was going to say something else. But then he seemed to think better of it and started for the truck.

I crossed my arms as I watched him go. “Jacob?”

He stopped in the walkway and turned back to look at me, those gentle brown eyes.

“Did you really sit at a restaurant for three hours just to talk to me?”

He did that thing where he went quiet.

I was starting to realize these pauses were a protective reflex. He always thought about what he was going to say before he said it. Like he was weighing it, deciding what he should reveal.

Jacob was a fortress. And I got the sense he didn’t let people in very often. But it was imperative that I get in. One, to make this all believable to his family. But two, because I wanted in. I really did want to get to know him.

He intrigued me.

What kind of person protects his ex and his little brother from the consequences of their own fucked-up selfish choices? Thinks of his family’s feelings before he thinks of his own.

Anonymously donates a kidney to a stranger.

Zander had said Jacob would give you the shirt off his back and that whole analogy seemed wildly inadequate now that I knew what Jacob was really like.

He had his own private code of ethics.

I didn’t have that kind of grace. My high road was currently under construction.

But it made me like him so much. And all the stories his family told did too. I wanted to go back in time and hold baby Jacob. Be his friend in high school and tell all his bullies to fuck off. I sort of wanted to tell Jewel to fuck off too…

He waited another beat before replying to my question. “Yes,” he said. “I sat at a restaurant for three hours.”

I shook my head at him. “But…why?”

He fiddled with his keys, looking down at the walkway. “I wanted to talk to you,” he said simply, the same answer he’d given earlier. He looked back up at me and we stood there, peering at each other.

Being harmless to each other.