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I wanted to sob. For half a dozen different reasons, I wanted to sob. I wasn’t going to admit defeat and call Maddy back to come get me. I wasn’t going to be the third wheel with Mom and Neil either. I didn’t have a car, Maddy had the keys.

I swiped at my tears with the side of my hand. I could feel myself getting small. Shrinking into myself the way I always did when something stressful or awful happened. Retreating into my own brain.

When I got like this, I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I could shut down for days. Turn off my phone, call out of work, abandon my social media. Not answer the door for anyone or anything, cut off everyone until I felt safe enough to start to let them in again a little at a time. But I had nowhere to vanish.

I wasn’t home. I didn’t have my wallet or my purse—they were in the boat. I was sitting on a pool chair, out in the open, still wearing my scrubs with a storm rolling in. The sun was going down. In a few minutes the mosquitoes would start to come out.

I sat there, feeling overexposed and getting more and more upset and there was nothing I could do to hide from it and no place to bury myself and nowhere to go. My chin quivered.

Then my phone chirped.

Justin: How was your first day at work?

I sniffled and sent a thumbs-down emoji and put my face in my hands.

My phone started to ring. I raised my head and watched it chime for a few long moments. And I don’t know what part of me decided to answer before I got too small to do it, but I did.

“Hey,” I said. I tried my best not to let him hear the thickness in my throat.

“Hey. What happened? Why was it bad?”

I rubbed my forehead. “It’s a lot to explain.” I paused. “Do you want to have dinner? My night just freed up.”

It wasn’t a quiet room behind a closed door, but it was somewhere to go. I’d be with someone safe and removed from what was happening with Mom and Maddy. And at least I wouldn’t be outside, sitting by a pool, hoping I didn’t set off the motion sensor lights after it got dark.

God.

I had to move the phone away from my mouth because I wanted to cry.

“Yeah, I can totally do dinner,” he said. “But I’m babysitting. I didn’t think I was going to see you, so I told my mom I’d watch Chelsea.”

I felt myself deflate. “Oh. Okay. That’s all right. I’ll just see you—”

“No, come. I’m making spaghetti. We can watch a movie or something. Can you get over here? If not, I can pick you up.”

“Justin… I don’t think I should meet your family.”

He laughed a little. “Why?”

“Because I don’t do that with guys I date.”

“Aw, come on.” He sounded amused. “She’s four. It’s not like you’re meeting my mom. And anyway, I met your mom. What’s the big deal? Besides, I’m not really a guy you’re dating, right? What are the rules for curse-breaking arrangements? I feel like there’s wiggle room.”

I let a small smile crack.

“My dog is here,” he added. “You can meet Brad.”

I did want to meet Brad…

I drew in a long breath through my nose. “You know this isn’t going to count as one of our dates, right?”

“I zero percent care about that.”

I looked up and peered out at the shrinking image of Maddy boating off into the distance. Behind me I heard Mom shriek with laughter from somewhere in the house. I really didn’t want to meet Justin’s family. Not even the four-year-old. It was a rule I didn’t break. Ever.

But I had nowhere else to go and no one to go to. Nowhere to be small.

“Okay. I’ll call an Uber.”