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But I also knew given the same situation, I’d do it all over again the same way. I would tear someone apart for doing half of what he did in that kitchen yesterday.

The image of the fear in her eyes would stay with me forever.

My hand on her thigh, having to hurt her to save her. The way I just wanted to carry her out of there and put her in my car and keep driving and never look back. But I couldn’t. No matter what happened now with Mike, I never could, because even if she wanted me to, even if in some colossal turn of events she wanted me the way I wanted her, I would never be okay with destroying him. And it would. Even telling her what I did was a betrayal.

If Jesse and Xavier knew what I told her, they’d probably never speak to me again, and I wouldn’t blame them. It was no different than if I’d declared my feelings for Becca or Samantha. It was unforgivable.

Even her staying here was not okay, especially now. But for that I just didn’t care.

There were hard boundaries I would never cross, because doing it, no matter how much I wished I could, would go against my own conscience and values. But I would comfort her. I would take care of her in the aftermath of what happened. We’d both been through something terrifying, and right now I didn’t care that her staying here would get side-eye from my friends and their families. Right now I needed to feel safe. I needed her to feel safe. I needed to be still for a while, to keep her still, to recover emotionally and mentally from what we’d both experienced. I could deal with the rest of it later when I was in a better place to wrap my brain around things. And if that pissed anyone off, I didn’t give a shit.

I crawled out of the blankets and got up to check on her. I’d just crack the door, listen for breathing. Give myself some peace of mind that she was still okay and then maybe I could go back to sleep. But when I opened my door, she was coming out of her room.

I blinked at her. “Hey, is everything okay? You’re not—”

“I’m fine,” she said, hugging her arms around herself. “Couldn’t sleep.”

I nodded. “Yeah,” I said quietly. “Me neither.”

Woofarine came out from behind her and plopped tiredly between us, looking up at our faces like he was trying to figure out why his parents were awake before the sun.

Larissa watched me in the dim light of the hallway. She had on a hoodie and some sweatpants. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun. I’d seen her in pajamas before, but this was different.

She was never supposed to be here like this.

My house.

Just the two of us.

Another stolen moment. Something I wasn’t supposed to have.

I cleared my throat. “I was going to check on you,” I said.

She nodded slowly. “You do that a lot.”

I didn’t know what to say to this.

“I was going to check on you,” she said.

“I’m okay—”

“Are you?”

Her eyes dropped to my bandaged hand.

“That had to be hard standing up to him like that,” she said. “And covering for him the way you did. As long as you did.” Her eyes came back up to mine. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“None of this is your fault—”

“Yes. It is. I should have picked better.”

“No. I should have smiled more.”

She gave me a small laugh despite herself.

This tiny acknowledgment of the elephant in the room. I would have been happier with you…

We contemplated each other in the dark.