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But what did any of that have to do with the other things I was starting to notice? With wanting to look at her. Because I did. I wanted to look.

And talk to her too. Or just sit with her wherever she was and read with her. I wished it had been me to drive her home from the cabin, to have that time to hang out with her with no one else around.

Woofarine stared up at me. I wondered if the only time our dog was truly happy was when Larissa and I were in the same place.

I was beginning to think it was like that for me too.

21

LARISSA

This place is amazing,” I said.

We were at a nice pool party in Edina. The house we’d walked through was huge and the whole backyard was transformed to a beach theme. They’d even hauled in sand and put two beach chairs on it for a photo op.

I’d worked catering jobs at events like this. Carried around appetizers and champagne on trays. I couldn’t believe I was actually a guest now.

“So explain to me who this is for again?” I said, looking up at Mike.

“My cousins. The Maddoxes. We all hung out with them growing up. This is my aunt Joy’s house.”

“Are Donna and Janessa coming?”

“These are cousins on my dad’s side.”

“Is he coming?” I asked.

“My dad? Not unless he took a flight from Maui. He sort of does his own thing.”

“Oh,” I said. “And who’s getting married?”

“Jane and Benny. I’ll introduce you in a bit.”

I scanned around. “Look, a dog. He’s missing a leg.”

“That’s Lieutenant Dan. Did you see the parrot? They have a parrot too.”

“They do?” I said, turning to him. “Does he talk?”

“He tells you to go fuck yourself.”

I laughed into the back of my hand as someone walked by with a tray of grilled pineapple. My stomach growled. I was getting hungry. I couldn’t eat anything here, though, because there were nuts all over the place. There were even macadamias in the fruit punch. The food looked really good. They had pulled-pork sliders and a chocolate fountain. Maybe I could have some of the pork at least?

I bit my lip while I stared at the buffet table. Even the coleslaw had cashews in it. I deflated.

It wasn’t worth it, too risky.

I’d had a snack on the way over and Mike said we could go for a burger after, but that would be a few hours from now. Mike wasn’t eating in solidarity, which was nice of him. He’d come right from work, too, he was probably starving. I should have planned better.

“Mike, you should eat,” I said, watching his eyes follow a caterer bringing out a tray of tropical rice.

“Nah.”

“Eat, please. I feel bad.”

“If you can’t eat, I’m not eating.” He squeezed me. “Sorry, babe. I shoulda thought of something. We can leave early, okay?”

I nodded and he kissed the side of my head.