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Debra rang the dinner bell. It was a Christmas tradition I used to love, a calling to join the family to eat and celebrate. I didn’t feel like celebrating. I felt like crying.

I walked around him and headed to the dining room anyway.

9

JEREMY

SO SHE DID STILL feel it.

This couldn’t be the end. It just couldn’t be. Not now that I’d found her again, not now that the universe had put us together and she still loved me. I just wish she didn’t still hate me too.

I wanted her to talk to me, yell at me, fight with me—anything. Anything was better than silence. She could torture me for the rest of eternity if she wanted to. At least she’d be in my life. The alternative was unthinkable. What if she went home today and never spoke to me again? Just like last time.

Knowing she was capable of that sent a panic through me. If she could leave what we had back then, she could definitely walk away now.

It made me terrified to say or do the wrong thing. She didn’t need me. She’d done just fine all these years since we last saw each other, and she could do it again.

We made our way into the dining room. I followed her in the soft wake of her perfume, my mind racing. I didn’t want to sit for dinner right now. I wanted to take her somewhere private and talk, but she went straight to the spot where Mom pointed and sat.

The table was at full capacity with Anna’s family here. My brothers were already seated. Devon was at a folding TV table at the end. Anna and I got put together on a piano stool.

She wasn’t happy about being so close. The tension between us was palpable. The thigh touching mine somehow managed to be pissed off.

Anna sipped water. I stared at her hand on the glass. An empty ring finger—but not always. Engaged to someone else.

How had we gotten here? How had we allowed this?

Mom put her napkin across her lap. “Let’s go around and say what we’re thankful for,” she said.

“I’ll go first,” Grandma said.

Everyone instinctively put a hand on their alcoholic drink.

“I’m grateful for another year on this planet,” Grandma said.

Everyone looked relieved.

“And that women outlive men by an average of six years.”

Half the table choked on their laugh before taking a drink.

My brothers went next. Paulie was grateful for his boyfriend. Leo for his new car, Simon for “making good bets.” Leo and Paulie laughed at this while Matty slumped, it must have been an inside joke. Matty was thankful his job was going well—what that was, nobody knew, because he wouldn’t tell anyone. The guesses from my other brothers about this were probably worse than the truth, but he refused to budge. Devon said something about a new PS5. All of the parents and Jodie and Ivan said they were thankful for finding old and new friends. Then it was our turn.

All eyes fell on Anna and me, and we looked at each other.

“I’m thankful for second chances,” I said, knowing I probably wouldn’t be getting one.

Anna pressed her lips together. “Sure. Me too.”

The sides started getting passed down the table, everyone chattering away. Everyone but Anna and me.

I passed her the rolls. “Can we talk after this?” I whispered.

“What’s the point?” she whispered back.

“What do you mean what’s the point—”

“So why didn’t you two stay together during college?” Mom asked loudly, passing the mashed potatoes. “I mean, I know you were upset he went to an out-of-state school, Anna, but I was always surprised you two didn’t work it out.”