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“Rowen told me he wasn’t going and offered his ticket to me. I didn’t want to—I couldn’t go. But I saw the only dinner options on the RSVP were meat-based, so I asked Rowen to make a few calls. It really wasn’t any—”
“Why couldn’t you go?”
Knox laughs, devoid of humor. “Because I can’t watch you on a date. I…can’t do it, Felicity. I’m not that strong. Today was hard enough, but witnessing the rest? I wouldn’t make it.” Fear strikes the irises of my favorite eyes. “I’m so scared of losing you.”
“You can’t lose me.”
“It feels like I already have.”
“Knox.” My breath is a desperate whoosh. “Because of Cal? That’s nothing, that’s over—”
“Maybe because of him, yeah. Mostly because I almost lost you once this summer. And I feel like I’m constantly having to tiptoe around my own desires so I don’t force you to…”
“To what?” I take a step closer, my soaked sweater brushing his warm chest, and the contact sparks heat through me so fast it makes me sway.
“To…” His voice trails off, eyes focusing on my mouth as I pull my bottom lip into my teeth. “To go too far. Somewhere where we can’t come back to what we have.”
“We’re already there, aren’t we? Before the other night in my room, I wasn’t even certain that you thought about me that way.”
“I think about you in every way, Felicity.”
The words land low and molten in me.
Then kiss me, I think as I lean closer. Kiss me here and now, and let me prove to you that it won’t change anything beyond making my feelings grow more.
I don’t have to voice it. I know well enough by now that Knox can apparently read my mind, because he doesn’t hesitate either as he leans in to meet me halfway.
Everyone pictures their first kiss at some point in time—that’s just a fact. But I don’t think you can fully envision it until the moment happens for you. I definitely didn’t envision us having the worst first kiss known to man, bumping our chins and teeth together as we lean in, a fumbled mess that makes us both laugh.
“C’mere,” Knox says with a crooked grin against me, sliding his hands to my waist. The heat of them seeps instantly through the wet fabric. He walks me backward until the backs of my feet reach the top porch step, then gently sits us both down. The rain falls steady around us, cold on my skin but hot where his body presses close.
His palms lift to frame either side of my jaw, fingertips warm and sure. His voice brushes my lips. “Tilt this way for me.”
He guides my head to the right—slow, intentional, and reverent. This time, when we lean in, everything fits just right. No fumbling. No clashing. Just the soft, perfect slide of his mouth on mine.
My fingers itch to find the waistband of his jeans, not gripping, just anchoring, as his lips move—gentle, then firmer, then soft again, like he’s learning me in real time. Testing and pushing and pulling and finding this new version of us both that I didn’t know could exist.
Rain drips between us, cool on my cheeks, down to where our mouths meet. The porch hums under us. The world narrows until nothing exists except the warm press of his hands and the delicious pull of him.
It’s dark out, but the soft glow of the porch light illuminates us enough that I know if one of the workers passed by, they would see us in grave detail. I should feel shy about that.
He guides me, coaxing and giving, like he’s memorizing a rhythm only we share. I test the waters, too, pulling his bottom lip into mine and trying to see what he likes too. He hasn’t dated much, he made that clear, but even with his lack of official girlfriends, he has to be far more knowledgeable in this area than I am, but I want to give it my all—give him my all.
“Yeah, just like that,” Knox breathes against my lips, voice low and wrecked and a touch impressed, which makes me want to keep going.
Of all the practicing, all the lessons, all the almost moments leading up to this—this one erases the rest.
I don’t know exactly how long it is, but by the time I pull back from his lips, the rain has settled down and my racing heart has slowed to a steady beat.
“I should go,” I whisper against him.
If only because of my wobbly legs and my mushy brain.
“You don’t have to.”
“No, but I can’t think very well right now.”
“I can think enough for both of us.” He kisses my jaw and I laugh, making him smile with his teeth pressed to my skin.
