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Knox takes me to his truck and we drive off. Not to his parents’ house and not to Walker’s place or to the pumpkin patch or even the guest cottages. He drives straight past all of that to the back of the property where we first met. At the creek leading up to the pond. He throws his truck into park and turns to me.

“Are you all right?”

I shrug. Am I?

Emotions battle in my head over who has control, anger and sadness and confusion all punching each other in the throats to reach the joystick.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head. “I really didn’t think it would be him. If I had any clue—”

“I know.”

“Work’s going to be awkward on Monday, huh?”

I stare up at him. “I’m not going back to work.”

“…What do you mean?”

“I won’t work with him, Knox. I won’t work with someone who lied to me for years.”

“Feli—”

“What?” I snap. “Do you not get it?”

“I just.” He sighs. “You’re so quick to forgive your mom for everything. All the times she stole money from you for liquor and moved you from couch to couch and abandoned you, all those lies she built up from the day you were born. You can forgive her over and over again, and I get being mad at Rowen and Riley, but don’t they deserve that same forgiveness? I’m not saying go off and pretend they never lied, I would be pissed, too, but…isn’t what she’s done so much worse?”

I stare at him open-mouthed. “I can’t believe you even think that. She’s my mother, they’re just…” The word he said to me once comes straight to mind. “Noise.”

“Noise?” He scoffs. “The ones who housed you and gave you a good-paying job at fourteen years old? They’re just noise to you?”

“Knox, you can’t even come close to understanding. She’s coming back, and she’s going to keep coming back. Regardless of if Rowen is there or not, she—”

“Flick!” Knox snaps, and I yank back.

Has he ever called me that? Even once? I’ve always been Felicity to him, but now…

“Do you even hear yourself?”

“It feels like I’m the only one who can hear me. You wouldn’t understand because your mom is always there, it’s easy for you to judge our relationship because yours is perfect. Maybe Mom and I aren’t what we need to be, but she is trying, okay? You’ve only ever wanted to see the worst in her, so that’s exactly what you see. You’ve never watched her good days, her big smiles and the way she loves me when she’s at her best.”

“That’s the thing, Felicity. She shouldn’t only love you at her best, she should love you through all of it. Every dirty part of life, she should be there for you.”

“Well, some of us will take what we can get, all right?”

Knox shakes his head, and I wait for the fall. For my legs to crush against the water after cliff jumping. I’m bracing for impact, my breath holding and chest aching.

Then he sighs. “I almost lost you once, and I’m not going to let it happen again. If you want me on your side, I’m on your side. I don’t agree with you, and I don’t know where we go from here, but if you’re looking for me to say the ‘it’s me or your mom’ thing, I won’t make you choose. I won’t pull you from this plan you’re so certain will work. If she comes—and trust me, I pray she does for your sake—then I’ll be there. And if she doesn’t, I want to be there for that too. I meant what I said a few weeks ago. It’s a privilege to be there for the hard times. I just…wish I could make them not so hard.”

Yeah, well, me and him both.

Chapter Thirty-Five Knox

Rowen texts first.

She okay? I know she’s still pissed, but Edith said she was at the diner and looked sick…just want to make sure she got home safe.

Then Riley, two seconds later, because of course they’re tag-teaming each other’s guilt.

Riley: Has she said anything? She’s ignoring me. Walked straight to her room after dinner.