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Join us? Cordelia shot Liz a glare that she was studiously ignoring.
“You remember Liz,” Meena was saying. “And this is Cordelia.”
“Hi,” Jeremy said, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Cordelia ignored it. “Liz, can I speak to you for a minute?” She didn’t give Liz a chance to respond but walked over to stand by the gas pump.
“Okay, don’t be mad … ” Liz began but Cordelia was fuming.
“Are you serious? Are you trying to set me up with that guy?”
“No,” Liz said. “I mean, not really.”
Cordelia raised an eyebrow.
“I thought it could be fun!” Liz said. “No pressure or anything. Just … I thought it might be good for you to talk to other guys again. In a social setting.”
“Why would you think that, Liz?” Cordelia demanded, tears springing to her eyes.
“Because you’ve been miserable, Cord. It’s like you’re drowning and I’m standing there watching you sink.”
“And you thought Jeremy could be my life preserver?”
“No! A distraction, maybe. You don’t have to marry the guy—” She gasped and clamped her hand over her mouth. Cordelia felt all the blood drain from her face. “Fuck. Cordie, I didn’t mean that. Fuck, what a stupid thing to say.”
“I’m not feeling well,” Cordelia said. “I’m going home.”
“Don’t go,” Liz pleaded. “I’ll ask Jeremy to leave. I’m sorry, Cord. I fucked up.”
“Yeah, you did,” Cordelia said. She strode back to the table, grabbed her coat, and left the bar without a backward glance.
Later that night, Cordelia was lying in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering what Niall’s day had been like and what he was doing now and what he would be doing tomorrow, when her phone buzzed. And yet again, even though she knew it was freaking pointless, she couldn’t help hoping she would see Niall’s name when she looked at the screen.
I am the absolute worst friend in the history of ever, Liz wrote. Can you forgive me? I promise to never do anything like that again. I will get down on my knees and beg. I will crawl across broken glass. That was the epitome of stupid and I can’t believe I hurt you like that.
Cordelia gave a brittle smile. As far as apologies go, that wasn’t bad.
Her phone immediately started ringing.
“Oh, Cord, I can’t believe what an asshole I was,” Liz said.
“It’s okay,” Cordelia said. “I shouldn’t have just left.” She rolled over onto her side. “Do you really think of me as drowning?”
Liz hesitated. “Don’t you feel like you’re drowning?”
A hot tear slid down Cordelia’s nose. “Yes. But I thought I was hiding it better.”
Liz chuckled. “You never were a very good actress.”
“No. I guess not.” She played with the edge of her pillowcase. “What do you think he’s doing now?”
“Well, he’s probably sleeping. Being five hours ahead of us and all.”
“Do you think he ever thinks about me?”
“Yes, you silly dumdum! How could he not?”
Cordelia swallowed hard. “I wish it didn’t have to hurt like this.”
