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I step off the bus, my body shaking. I press my forehead against the cold metal.

“Breathe in for five,” Rachel says, and I do. My heart cramps and my lungs ache, but I force them to expand. “Breathe out five,” Rachel says.

We do that a few more times until the panic attack finally passes.

“I’m so sorry,” I croak.

“Don’t you dare,” Rachel says. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“But …” I gesture weakly toward the bus.

“I’m really touched that you tried,” Rachel says gently. “You tried for me, and I get it. But El, this … this is not your thing. And that’s okay.” She takes out her phone.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Calling Agustín.”

“What? No!” I yelp. “He’s seeing his family today, I’m not interrupting that.”

“Hey Agustín, Eloise isn’t feeling up to the party bus … oh, great, see you soon.”

She ends the call and smiles at me triumphantly. “Your boyfriend is amazing, you know that?”

I blanche. “He’s not my …”

The words trail off. Rachel crooks an eyebrow.

“Yup,” she says. “Boy. Friend. You, my sweet little darling dove, are in a relationship. There. I said it.” She kisses my cheek. “He’ll be here in two.”

I groan. I don’t want Agustín to change his plans because of me. I’m not a fucking toddler.

But I’m not getting back on that party bus.

And I can’t deny that Rachel calling him my boyfriend felt … good.

“Hola!”

I turn and see Agustín jogging up to us. His thick dark hair falls into his eyes, and he’s smiling a full dimple smile, like he didn’t just see me fifteen minutes ago. The slice of sunshine inside me bursts with dazzling golden light. I instinctively reach out for him right as he takes my hand.

And just like that, I’m calm.

“Well, I gotta go get penised to death,” Rachel says wryly. “You guys enjoy your day!” She climbs onto the bus and says, “Ready ladies?”

The ensuing shrieks and cackles make me flinch. I have made progress yes, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be party bus ready. It’s just not for me.

“So,” Agustín says cheerfully. “What would you like to do today?”

“But …” I’m at a loss for words. “But you have to go see your family.”

He shrugs. “I can see them another time.”

Something inside me cracks. I may be too much of a nervous wreck to celebrate with Rachel, but I’m sure as shit not ruining Agustín’s day too.

As the party bus lurches out into traffic, my determination hardens.

“No,” I say. “You’re not missing out on your family because of me.”

“It’s really fine,” Agustín says, temporarily distracting me with his cardamom scent. “I like spending my time with you.”