Page 90

“I was wrong. I was angry and frightened and … and so very, very wrong.” She circled around to face me, her hands never leaving me. She took my face in her hands, her expression earnest. “You’re none of the things I said. Not stupid. Not broken. Not a monster.”

The words felt strange, almost. And as I allowed myself to truly take them in, it was like a shock to my system that I couldn’t understand. I stumbled back, trembling. Words lost, as I lowered myself to my bed slowly. Cali closed the distance between us, pressing her face to mine.

“Please forgive me,” she begged. “Please, you have to, or I’ll never be able to live with myself.”

“I forgive you,” I said, quickly. I couldn’t bear to see her distressed. “Don’t cry. I forgive you.”

“So easily? I should be tearing my clothes, on my knees, begging your forgiveness.”

“That’s not necessary—”

She attempted to tear her dress, letting out a frustrated sigh when she couldn’t manage the thick fabric. I grabbed her elbows and pulled her upright before she could try anything else. I collected her into my lap, wiping her face with my handkerchief.

“I should be the one comforting you,” she protested.

“You are a comfort to me.”

I held her close and realized—she was right. She was right, Eliza was right. I was so used to having my feelings hurt, my heart broken by my own knight, that I didn’t even know how to accept an apology correctly.

But I didn’t want groveling. What I wanted was to never have to feel helpless like that again. For the behavior to change.

“My lady, look at me,” I said. She did so, her gaze earnest. “You can’t say things like that to me ever. I know you’re sorry, but you knew those words were wrong when you said them, and … I don’t know that I could forgive you if you said them again.”

I braced myself for Cali to cry fresh tears, but it seemed my interruption had calmed her. Perhaps she thought I would lash out at her. Maybe she was used to that from her awful cousin’s family like I had been with Vi. Instead, she took my face in her hands. “Never again. I promise.”

She let me lead, hugging my head only after I pulled her close. I rested my head against her shoulder, trying to force my mind to enjoy it and not dwell on my mixed-up feelings, of everything I knew I had to deal with as soon as I let go.

Cali ran her fingers through my hair. “Do I have to go back to my room?”

“No,” I said, my voice muffled against her. My answer was as much for myself as it was for her.

“Thank God.”

Nothing was right anymore. Or perhaps it had never been right, but at least it had been constant. Routine.

But the king was acting strangely, despite my efforts to uphold that routine. And I needed to figure out why before someone else wound up dead.

CHAPTER36CALLIOPE

By the grace of God, I slept. Only because I knew nothing could happen to me with Beric in the room.

I opened my eyes, hugging Beric’s pillow, snuggled in his blankets. Beric sat in the corner of the room, only lit by a candle and the soft beginnings of daylight. The gentle brush sounds as he buffed a pair of leather boots were as comforting as the birds singing outside. I didn’t move, so as to keep the moment for a little longer. As soon as I got up, I would have to face the truth of what happened.

That the king had killed two people in a matter of days. Executions were a weekly occurrence, but not in this fashion—not away from the executioner’s block. This was a cruel abuse of power for no reason at all.

I wasn’t so certain I was built for this sort of life.

And yet, I refused to let the king control me. To remain the immortal Deus Rex, he needed me. And he acknowledged that I was better than Vi—he wouldn’t risk having to look for another knight on short notice.

Beric must have seen I was awake because he came over and sat beside me on the bed. He caressed my cheek gently, and I held his hand there to keep him.

“Did you sleep well, my lady?” he asked, quietly.

“It would have been better if you hadn’t slept on the other side of the room.”

He shrugged. “I know my limits.”

“I’m flattered,” I teased, “to be the one weakness of such a mighty warrior.”