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“You are going to get through this, and you’re not going to do it alone. I think scheduling some sessions while your nightmares are escalated would be helpful, if you’re open to it.”
“I definitely want to schedule another appointment.
“Processing is important,” she said.
“It’s different this time,” I added. “The first time, I was just trying to get through to the other side so I could finally come home.”
“Are you glad you’re home?”
“One hundred percent,” I said, realizing in that answer just how huge it was. I’d been so fucking scared that I would never get to a point where I would be happy to be in Heartfire Falls again.
“When you’re ready to talk to Chloe about it, it might be helpful. Not that you have to.”
“She knows I have nightmares and she knows why. I guess I haven’t gone into this part of it because I didn’t really think of it this way.”
“Everybody decides what they share or don’t with those who matter in their lives. I’m not going to tell you that you need to. But it could help.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Lincoln
Tidal waves
My mom clasped her hands in front of her chest, squeezing them together. “I’m so happy.” She blinked, and I knew she was about to cry.
“I know you’re happy, Mom.”
“I love you!” she burst out.
Having grown up with parents who never hesitated to tell us they loved us, I could roll with this. “I love you too, Mom.”
“And, you love Chloe,” she all but squealed.
I took a slow breath as my pulse revved inside. I did, but it was unsettling, very unsettling. “I do,” I said, forcing myself to take a slow breath.
“So what now?” she asked next.
“What do you mean, what now?” I pressed.
“Are we planning a wedding?”
“Oh, my God, Mom,” I ground out.
“Am I getting ahead of myself?” she said, wincing.
“Uh, yeah, Mom. You’re getting ahead of yourself.”
“I do love Chloe,” she said, her tone sobering. “I know she loves you.”
I sighed, unable to hold back the bemused chuckle rustling in my throat. “Can we just, you know, take it one step at a time? I didn’t expect to fall in love.”
My answer was honest, and the emotion that rushed through me felt like a fucking tidal wave. For a few seconds I was beyond terrified, as if I were facing an actual tsunami. My mom, because she was my mom and she knew me well, dropped her hands and reached for mine, squeezing them tightly before releasing them, almost as if she knew or sensed I wouldn’t be able to handle it if she held on. I was caught in the riptide now and just needed to steady myself.
“It’s okay,” she said softly.
“It is?” My words were thick, and tears wicked up from my throat.
Holy fucking hell. Maybe I’d never been in love romantically speaking before, but I knew what it meant to love someone. Family and love were complicated. But fuck, it hurt to lose people you genuinely loved. Falling in love with Chloe meant now I had another person I had to worry about losing, had to worry about protecting. Not that I ever for a second hesitated to protect anyone I loved. That was my instinct. Except what if I couldn’t protect her?
