Page 139 of A Better Man

“So either I kill you all now. Or I give up.”

Oh, God, thought Cameron. Oh, God, here it comes.

“Oui,” said Beauvoir. “That’s about it. One you live. One you die.”

Toby seemed to make up his mind. He braced.

It was slight and too subtle for Cameron to see. But Gamache could, and he knew what it meant. Every muscle tightened, even as he realized there was nothing he could do.

Toby was about to shoot. Jean-Guy.

“You know,” said Beauvoir, his voice remaining conversational even as his knees threatened to give way. “I once faced exactly the same situation.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’d reached the end. Couldn’t go on. I didn’t care anymore.”

“Shut up.”

“I thought about killing myself. But when it came down to it, I realized that what I really wanted was for the pain to stop. I didn’t really want to die, but I didn’t know how to live. How to go on.”

There was silence then. Utter, almost suffocating silence. As the air was sucked out of the alley.

“What did you do?”

“I let go.” Beauvoir closed his eyes. “I let go.” Then he opened them again and met Toby’s. “Sometimes we just have to let go. And trust. There is a way back. Believe me.” He smiled and opened his arms wide. “And look at the great place it brought me.”

The words hung in the air of the void before the boy laughed.

Jean-Guy cocked his head. “Toby, I don’t want to die. And I don’t think you do either.”

Toby closed his eyes, and while they could have moved, no one did.

Then, eyes still shut, Toby let go of his gun.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

@SûretéCrooked: I knew it! Cops killing kids.