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As he did, familiar words were uncovered, etched deep into the wood.
Surprised by Joy
And below that:
A Brave Man in a Brave Country
Marilynne Robinson’s words always made him think of his father and mother.
“I’ll pray that you grow up a brave man in a brave country,” he whispered. “I will pray you find a way to be useful.”
Would their prayers for him have been answered?
But mostly he thought of his grandchildren. Florence, Zora, Honoré.
And soon, a new granddaughter.
He closed his eyes. Briefly. And tried not to think that the country they’ll grow up in won’t be his own.
Then, opening his eyes, he looked at the white world and thought of the white whale. That devoured reason.
All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it.
That was where the quote ended, for him. He didn’t know the rest. But in the small hours, in front of the fireplace, while Reine-Marie and Homer slept, while Henri snored at his feet and Gracie ran free in her dreams, he’d looked up that quote and read the rest.
All that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil …
It was difficult, in this peaceful place, looking out over the quiet little village just waking up, to imagine the torment that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain.
But it existed. He met it every day. The subtle demons of life and thought.
That turned something horrific into something acceptable. That turned a crime into a punishment. That somehow made it okay to push a young, pregnant woman off a bridge to her death.
That twisted reality, until malice and truth were intertwined and indistinguishable.
Had the demons caught up with Lysette Cloutier, in love with Homer? Had they caught up with Cameron? With Pauline Vachon? Carl Tracey?
He was honest enough to recognize that it wasn’t just murderers who harbored those demons. Cops did, too. He did, too.
His prejudices. And preconceptions. His blinders. And blunders. And outright mistakes.
He heard a car approach. Then slow down. And stop. He heard Henri’s and Gracie’s collars clink as they raised their heads and looked.
The car idled by the side of the road.
Then silence.
Gamache did not look behind him but continued to stare off into the distance, into the wilderness.
He felt the presence first, then saw it out of the corner of his eye.
“Clare, Clare, do not despair.” Gamache spoke the words slowly, deliberately, sending them out over the peaceful village below. “Between the bridge and the water, I was there.”
Then he turned and faced the person standing beside the bench.
“And so were you.”
Clara stared at the closed door to her studio. Then went in.