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“That’s only natural. Jesus, since you told me about Fleming, my head is screaming.”
“But you don’t have to find him,” said Armand. “I do.”
“True. The fear, the howl, will settle down. It’s just the shock.”
He shook his head. “It’s more than that, deeper than that. I almost assaulted the warden.”
“If it’s deeper than that, then you have to look deeper.” She held his eyes. “There’s something you aren’t admitting, isn’t there.”
He looked down at his hands and saw a tear, like a drop of rain, splash onto a finger. He looked up and met Hardye’s eyes.
“I’m afraid Fleming will kill my family. I’m afraid I won’t be able to save them.”
She nodded slowly. “Did you do this on purpose?”
“Of course not. Does it matter?”
“Mens rea. Yes, it matters. This isn’t your fault, Armand. This is Fleming’s fault, the warden’s fault. You and your team are the solution. You need to separate it out. You’re catastrophizing, allowing fear into the driver’s seat. You’re reacting to things that haven’t happened and behaving as though they have, or are inevitable. Focus on what is actually happening, here and now.”
“Surrender to reality,” he said with a small grin and, grabbing a tissue, he rubbed his eyes.
It was one of Hardye Moel’s favorite sayings.
“Yes. Stop fighting battles that don’t exist. Focus on what does. And don’t take it all on yourself. You have a smart, effective team around you.”
He took three deep breaths, closed his eyes. Then, opening them, he smiled at her.
“Merci. That helps.”
She looked at her watch. “I need to be getting back.”
“Ummm, actually, there’s another reason I wanted to see you. Sam Arsenault is here.”
“Ahhh,” she said, sitting back down. “I see.”
“You obviously remember him.”
“I do. The case is hard to forget. Those children.”
“You stayed with them in those early days. You observed them. What did you think of them?”
“Them or him?”
“Both, I suppose, but mostly him. My impression is that he was far more culpable in the death of their mother than we could prove. And when Fiona accepted guilt, there wasn’t much more we could do. But I want to know, need to know…”
“How sick he was? Is?”
He nodded.
“Before I answer, I need to know if I’m speaking to you as a colleague or a friend.”
Armand stared at her for a moment. “Which one will get me into less trouble?”
She laughed. “Well, let me start as your colleague. I haven’t seen him in years, and when I did, I wasn’t trained in criminal and aberrant behavior. So I couldn’t answer your question.”
“As my friend?”
“I’d say stay the fuck away from him. The kid’s a nutjob.”
