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CHAPTER 45
SLY
Preserved
“You’ll have to remind me which particular thing you said that you want to talk about.” The corners of her mouth lift into a coy smile. “You said a lot of things last night, like how good my tits look covered—”
I lose my grip on the bowl because that image makes my blood rush south. Thankfully, Josie catches it and my brain manages to hang on to enough functionality to remember what I wanted to talk about. All I could think about last night while she fell asleep in my arms was that I don’t want to spend another thirteen-hour drive dancing around the question I need an answer to—the one I’d regret it if I didn’t ask.
“As tempting as that is, no.” I watch her chest rise and fall with a heavy breath. “I wanted to talk about the other thing I said, the part where I never stopped loving you—that I still love you.”
“We don’t have to talk about that. I get it. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean or—”
“No, I did mean it. That’s why I want to talk about it. I don’t want to spend another day in the car with you avoiding what we—or at least I—need to talk about when I don’t know if I’ll get another chance.”
Her lips part in a silent gasp before she gnaws at the inside of her cheek. “What part do you want to talk about?”
I step toward the edge of the bed and sit next to her. She sets her bowl down, and I take that opportunity to grab her hand.
“All of it. The part where I still think about you constantly, even when I don’t want to. I want to talk about the fact that I know you still feel the same way. Say what you want, deny it all you want, but I felt it from that first kiss at The Hatch—you still love me too, Bunny.”
She doesn’t say anything. Those honey-colored eyes just stare up at me in a way that I feel honored to have focused on me. She laces her fingers into mine while cupping my jaw in her other hand. I lean into her touch, not-so-secretly loving the way she rubs the hollow of my dimple with her thumb. I like my beard, but if shaving it off means she’ll touch my face like this, I will trim my stubble every day for the rest of my life.
“You know I’ve always hated admitting when you’re right.”
“Yeah, you really liked being the smartest one in the room,” I tease.
Her eyes roll back. “Yeah, that hasn’t changed. Are you really going to make me say this?” Her grip on my hand tightens, just like the hold she’s always had on my heart.
“Well, yeah. Since you’re the smartest one in the room, I’d like to hear it out loud to make sure I’m right for a change.”
I watch the column of her throat shift as she swallows. “Sly, I never stopped loving you. I don’t think that it was ever even possible. I wanted to let the hurt and anger take over so I could try to hate you and bury it all away. It never worked, though. I don’t think either of us ever had a chance.”
My heart thunders in my chest. I swear I feel a burst of energy or something that—I don’t know. All I know is I haven’t felt this whole in years. The confirmation that she never stopped thinking about me—never stopped loving me—is everything. That’s why the pause before her next words makes the hair on my neck stand.
“As validating as it is to know we both feel that way, I don’t know what good it does us.”
“What are you talking about? This changes everything we’ve been through for the last ten years. We both still love each other.”
She smiles, but it quickly falters, along with my hopes.
“Sure, things are good—at least, better—between us now. We’ve both grown. You’re not afraid anymore, and I’ll admit that I can do strings attached—with you. But you know I’m never going to settle down, at least not any time soon. I can’t do strings attached to Sterling Springs, to any place.” She closes her eyes and lets out a ragged sigh before looking back up at me. “We might’ve grown up, but our circumstances haven’t changed. We’re still right back where we were. You have your family, the garage… your hometown, and I don’t have—don’t want—that. Not that your family isn’t great. You love them, so do I. I just… the town, having roots, it’s not what I want in my life.”
Her shoulders slump in resignation, and her head drops.
I tilt her chin up until her eyes meet mine. “I know. Everything you’re saying is correct, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up, at least not without trying. I know you don’t want roots, but I damn well know that you want me, and I want you just as bad.”
One side of her mouth tugs into a weak smile, and she rubs her thumb along the inside of my hand. “Try how? We might have changed, but the circumstances in our lives haven’t. We still exist in this world.”
“I don’t know. We’ll keep meeting in the middle until the world finally catches up to where our hearts have always been.” I shrug. “Maybe we try long distance? I’ll try to take more time off and come find you and visit when you’re close to New Mexico. If you’re passing through, stay with me for a while? Make Sterling Springs some sort of home base for you? We don’t have to put a label on it. We can call it whatever you want, or nothing at all—I just know it’s only ever going to be you.”
I hate the words as soon as I say them because I need more of her in my life than that. I need all of her because she is my air, she is my water, and everything else that I need to live.
These last couple of weeks together have made it clear that I was merely existing without her for all those years—not living.
“You’d really be okay with that?” she asks, smirking. “You’re not exactly the do-things-half-ass type.”
“If that’s the only option for having you in my life, then I’ll take it. There’s not a chance in hell that I’m going to let another day of my life go by knowing that you aren’t mine.”
