Page 10

When was the last time I stood upright?

How do I stay that way?

“How can anyone let themselves go like this? It’s unbelievable,” Andrej ranted as he lifted Leaf to his feet.

No, staying upright is impossible.

Leaf’s knees buckled, but that wasn’t a problem for Andrej, who regularly went to the gym and concealed the sculpted body of a bouncer under his plain blue T-shirt.

Leaf noticed the cool wall against his back. When Andrej let go of him, his legs buckled again, and he sank to the floor.

“Oh man! You stink! When was the last time you showered?” Andrej turned on the water and stormed out of the bathroom.

Leaf leaned his head against the wall and stretched out his legs. The water sprayed down on him, and the roaring in his ears drowned out his jumbled thoughts. But his clothes became heavy; more weight was pulling him down. Exhausted, he buried his face in his hands.

What a battlefield.

It’s tearing me apart.

Though he could still hold himself together, the fight had already lasted too long, three cursed weeks in total. Leaning back, he pushed the wet hair out of his face, breathing out haltingly. The screams remained.

If I could turn my insides out, they would escape. I could shake them off. No more memories. Go up in smoke and disappear. Back to paradise.

Where’s the substance that’ll take me back there?

He gradually opened his eyes. The noise of the water echoed in his ears, but it couldn’t get rid of that one thought. There was a way back to paradise. Leaf raised his hand and turned off the faucet. Disgusted by reality, the dark wooden walls, the red curtain at the window, the black carpet, the toilet, the sink, and himself, he closed his eyes again.

A hand touched his shoulder, while another brushed against his forehead. His head fell back as Andrej’s voice echoed from a distance.

“Wake up already. Come on!”

Leaf laboriously opened his leaden eyelids and tried to focus on Andrej. He couldn’t. The lamp above his head blinded him too much, so he closed his eyes again.

“Leaf, damn it! Get yourself together!”

Andrej grabbed him under the arms, hoisted him to his feet, and pinned him against the wall. A slap brought Leaf back to reality.

“Can I let you go, or are you going to collapse again?”

Dazed, Leaf straightened up and brushed some brown strands from his face. His hand was shaky, his limbs numb, but he felt life returning to them and the carousel in his head gradually gaining speed again.

“Get dressed. And don’t forget to shave. I brought pizza—it’s about time you eat something,” Andrej stated in a monotonous tone, tossing a towel at him before leaving the room.

With heavy legs, Leaf stepped out of the shower. His eyes burned, and his mouth was dry. He knew the moment would come. Eventually. And now he felt like he’d been run over by a steamroller. No wonder. Days of drug use didn’t go unpunished and left their mark.

He sat on the toilet lid and removed his wet trousers, along with his T-shirt and pants. Once more, he stood under the water and washed himself with soap and shampoo. He couldn’t smell anything, but he was sure Andrej was right.

With wobbly legs, Leaf finally made his way to the sink to brush his teeth and shave. As he combed his hair, he noticed the dark circles under his eyes. It was obvious that he was suffering. His gaze was dull and lost. He tied his long hair back and pushed a strand behind his ear. No matter how deep and dark the circles were, the more orderly his appearance, the better the impression.

Still weak on his feet, he went to the bedroom and put on fresh clothes. Black jeans, an Iron Maiden shirt, and a black jacket. Unfortunately, the last thing he needed for a decent appearance was in the living room. Cocaine. As he staggered out of the room, he nearly collided with Andrej.

“Back from the dead, huh?” Andrej teased as he rounded the corner into the kitchen.

Leaf looked at him in confusion before plopping down on the couch and prepared two lines.

“What the hell is that?” Andrej entered the living room, holding a pizza box.

“I’m coming back to life.”