Page 111

When I turn around, Aran is still standing there. It’s obvious something’s bothering him. One hand is gripping his opposite wrist, and his jaw is clenched so tightly I almost want to tell him to relax. But I also see his glassy eyes and how pale he is. He doesn’t look good.

“Look… about earlier,” he starts.

I frown.

Is he trying to apologize?

“I was… uh…”

“You acted like a total asshole,” I say dryly, pretending to be indifferent. “But it’s fine. I saw what happened at the concert. Anyone would lose it after that.”

Aran swallows hard. I’d give anything to see inside his head right now. As if my passive-aggressive tone intimidated him, he lets out a shaky breath and looks down regretfully.

“I… didn’t want to hurt you,” he mutters. He tilts his head slightly in my direction. “You look a little pale. Did something happen?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”.

My hands tremble. Just hearing the question feels like he’s trying to reach into my deepest parts and take control.

“Koh…”

“No!” I step back and hold up my hand. “Stop acting like you understand everything. You don’t understand shit!”

“I just want to—”

“What?” I cut him off sharply. “Tell me how I should feel? Or how I should live my life? You have no idea! You weren’t there! You don’t know what I went through!”

Aran looks confused but stays calm. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do or control you. Let me help.”

“Help?” I let out a bitter laugh. “You mean keep me small, like Luke did? No thanks. I don’t need help. I don’t need anything!”

I’m such an idiot, but I can’t stop. With every word, the chasm between us grows wider. We’re only three steps apart, but it feels like he’s standing on a cliff and one step away from slipping away from me forever.

My pulse is thundering. I can barely stand the tension between us.

What do I have to do to release this pent-up energy?

Scream?

Run?

I just want to feel myself again. But the anger at myself makes everything worse.

Aran squeezes his eyes shut for a second and sniffs. He wipes his mouth and looks around. “All right… uh…” He gestures down the hall toward the studio. “Liam’s here. We’re working on some new songs. I’ll close the door, but let me know if it’s too loud.”

I just nod.

Aran licks his lips, sniffs again, and goes back into the studio.

“Everything okay?” I hear Liam ask.

Aran closes the door behind him, and an eerie silence drops over me.

I stand there frozen between the living room and kitchen, clutching my laptop, and want to slap myself. I shake my head in disbelief and disappear into my room with Pixie.

I feel exhausted—physically and emotionally.

During the unexpected walk with Luke, I was under constant high tension.