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“I…” My voice cracks and I clear my throat. “I don’t think you threw yourself at me. Or that you’re desperate.”
Aran smiles and lies back down beside me. “I did hit on you right after the concert.”
“You said you were drunk.”
“I figured out a long time ago that’s the best excuse a man can use.”
“Oh really?” I stare up at the ceiling. I used to drink too much myself now and then. But no matter what happened, I never blamed the alcohol, though I blamed Luke plenty. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Sounds like you’ve had experience with that.”
Aran’s face is so close to my side that I can feel his warm breath on my skin. I lean against the wall with a pillow behind me and drift back to my life from a year ago. That usually terrifies me, but it’s like Aran holds the key to breaking Luke’s curse. Just having him here gives me the strength to view my failures from a distance.
“My ex drank way too much,” I say quietly. “He’d get aggressive and tear me down every single time. One night I came home drunk. I’d been out with Nahla—we had a really good time. I was standing in front of the fridge looking for a beer when Luke appeared behind me.”
I fall silent, sinking into a memory that still gives me chills.
“Was he drunk?” Aran asks softly, not lifting his head.
“No,” I answer, drawing in a deep breath. “He was stone sober. This time he didn’t rip into me for being boring and no fun. He lost it because I was drunk.”
“He could drink, but you couldn’t?”
“It was more twisted than that,” I say, sighing. “He screamed at me, asking how I dared tempt him again. Said he was a recovering alcoholic and wanted to know when the hell we’d started keeping beer in the house.”
“Huh?” Aran props his head up again, his face twisted in disbelief. “He was an alcoholic?”
I roll my eyes. “I swear. The night before, we’d shared a bottle of red wine. Both of us. But Luke claimed he’d been sober for three weeks and that I was imagining things. Said he hadn’t touched a drop the night before.”
Aran looks at me, confused. “Wait… so was he sober or—”
“He screamed that I wasn’t supporting him, that I didn’t take him seriously, that I was accusing him of shit that wasn’t true. Then he said I was probably the alcoholic. One day he just stopped drinking and convinced me he’d already been sober for three weeks and was going to AA.”
“Seriously?”
I snort. “He wasn’t an alcoholic. Sure, he had serious anger issues, but he wasn’t an addict. I checked up on him. He was never in any group. He just enjoyed manipulating me and keeping me on a short leash.”
“That’s fucked up. Why would someone do that?”
“To have power over me? I don’t know. What’s crazier is how deep he got into my head. He manipulated me in every possible way. I started doubting myself and actually believed I was helpless without him. It wasn’t until I confided in Nahla that I learned it had a name—gaslighting.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I’m a grown man. I should’ve been able to handle life on my own, but I couldn’t. Luke’s like a curse I can’t shake.”
“Doesn’t sound like something you could put the guy in jail for.”
“No, unfortunately not. Levi’s just waiting for me to give him the green light so he can deal with him. He’s never liked Luke. If he knew the full story, he wouldn’t wait for my permission—he’d make Luke suffer.”
“Why are you protecting him?” Aran asks, visibly annoyed. “Guy sounds like he deserves it.”
A sad smile crosses my face, followed by a wave of grief as I think of Jerry. “No one deserves to be tortured. Vigilante justice is wrong.”
“Says the godfather’s son,” Aran remarks dryly. “I agree with you—violence isn’t the answer. But that guy doesn’t deserve your protection. Does he even know you’re in the Mafia?”
“No. When we were together, I barely had contact with my family. I was trying to distance myself from my father’s business and do something good with my life. Luke and Levi only met once or twice. Luke probably wouldn’t even recognize my brother. Levi, on the other hand, never forgets a face.”
“Why did you tell me?” Aran asks. “About being Mafia, I mean.”
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “I’m tired of keeping secrets. I lived one big lie the entire time I was with Luke. I got so caught up in it that I’m still trying to untangle myself.”
“You’re not just worried Luke might see you in the media, are you?”