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What had Dylan said last night?

“You don’t want to talk about that?”

I stared at my knotted fingers. No, I do not.

“I’ve got all day,” he said, and he folded his hands in his lap and looked at me with a benign and expectant expression.

“That’s not true.”

He laughed. “You’re right. I haven’t got all day. But I do have half an hour. Dylan said you remembered the accident.”

My face shot to his. No. Not this.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head as the loss swelled in my chest.

“Too painful?”

I nodded. “I can’t think about it. It leads to… too many questions.”

“Questions?” Luke said gently.

I swallowed. “I don’t know if they died instantly. If they suffered?” I whispered.

“Oh. I see. That’s really tough.”

“I was in too much of a daze to ask all the right questions.”

“Of course. Have you asked Dylan?”

“I think it would be painful for him too.”

Luke nodded and smiled. “That’s considerate.”

I shot him a look. See!

“He said you feel guilty about having a good time.”

“There was an afternoon where I had a lot of fun and I didn’t think about my family the whole time. I didn’t like that when I realized.”

“But that sounds like a good thing to me. The fact that your family aren’t in the forefront of your mind the whole time is okay. It’s completely natural. You’re not dishonoring them or their memory. You’re not forgetting them. You are getting on with your life. The love you feel for your family hasn’t diminished. Do you think your mother and father would like you to be miserable?”

“No.”

“Emily, you have to let yourself off the hook. You’re allowed time off from the grief and to enjoy yourself. It will happen naturally and you should let it. It’s part of the process. You’re a seventeen-year-old. Be kinder to yourself, please. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not okay for me to enjoy myself at a party. I forgot everything and it was the best time I’ve had since my parents died.”

“You need to find ways of enjoying yourself that don’t put you at risk and are on the right side of the law. The fact you found it enjoyable is neither here nor there. What you did was illegal and potentially dangerous. Remember that the next time this temptation comes your way. As the slogan says, ‘Just Say No.’ You start school shortly, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Where is he going with this?

“You won’t last long if they catch you with drugs. You’ll be out before you know it, and what will happen to you then? I know you’re a bright girl, Emily, with a great future ahead of you. You don’t want to blow it on some insignificant thing like drugs. I know I sound preachy—I’m sorry—but I see too many young people in this office who have come unstuck over drugs. Please don’t go there.”

“I took one bloody hit… once. And I get you and Dylan and Lulu all having a go.”

“Who’s Lulu?”