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“But you’re Jack’s little sister. I didn’t think it was appropriate to … talk more. Or whatever.”

She was staring at me, wide-eyed. “It was because of Jack? Did he say something?”

“Kind of.” I hesitated. “He was clear when he brought you around that first time—ten years ago—that we were to stay away from you.”

“I was in undergrad at the time. He probably thought I was too young.”

“That’s right. After that Thanksgiving, he mentioned we’d spent a lot of time together. I took that to mean—he noticed and didn’t like it.”

“So what?” Luci asked.

It was my turn to stare at her. “So what? Jack’s my family. I owe him everything.”

“He may be your family, but you don’t owe him anything.”

I didn’t say anything. How could I explain what Jack and the others meant to me? How committed I was to the family I’d found through them? How completely lonesome I’d been all my life. Until Rhett found me behind a drum set in a dive bar and changed my life.

“He can’t kick you out of the band for being my friend,” Luci said.

Friend. If only it were as simple as that. I had a lot of feelings for Luci that went way beyond the scope of friendship. I wanted so much more. I wanted all of her, by my side, for the rest of my life. And that was the one thing I could never have. If I slipped and let my guard down, I’d be even more hopelessly in love than I already was.

Not that it mattered. She probably didn’t feel the same way about me, especially after I’d gone quiet on her.

“I’ve thought about you a lot … since that time we spent together,” Luci said. “I find myself comparing every guy I date with you.”

I held my breath.

“I actually thought we’d started something,” Luci said. “But then I didn’t hear from you, so I figured I’d imagined it. I’ve been busy the last three years anyway. Residency kicked my butt. Or I would have been at Jack’s for holidays.”

She was quiet, clearly waiting for me to say something. I couldn’t. The words were lodged in the back of my throat.

Finally, I was able to manage, “I figured it was too complicated.”

Luci nodded, turning to look out the window. “You’re right.” She traced her finger down the frosty window. “It’s just bothered me. A lot. So thanks for letting me ask about it.”

“Sure.”

“It’s kind of silly anyway,” Luci said. “You’re a star. I run a barely funded clinic. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to settle down with someone like me.”

“You’re the star, Luci. What you’ve chosen to do with your life is admirable …” I didn’t let myself finish. Veering too close to the truth was not wise.

“That’s sweet,” Luci said. “If only I wasn’t drowning in student debt I could feel more like a hero.”

“How bad is it?”

“Never mind,” she said, a little too brightly. “I’m not going to think about it today.”

We were quiet, both looking out opposite windows as we headed down the highway past frozen meadows, an occasional ranch, with the mountain range vivid on the horizon.

“I brought the Christmas movies,” Luci said, after a moment. “All my favorites. Do you remember watching them all with me?”

My chest ached just thinking about it. If she had any idea that I not only remembered watching them with her, I knew the exact order. She had a strict rule about the viewing order, repeating the pattern every year. And now so did I.

“What do you mean you brought them?” I asked.

“There’s an old-fashioned thing called a DVD. Have you heard of them?”

Despite the gut punch, I laughed. “I have heard of this old-fashioned machine you speak of. Do you still watch them in the same order?”