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“It’s not making sense because you’ve taken too many pucks to the head.”
Marlon chuckled before sipping his fresh beer. “No, it’s not making sense because my best friend of seven years, who is infamously known as Hartbreak because of all the women he burns through, is telling me that he now wants to take a stab at commitment.”
“I don’t want to be in a committed relationship, but I want a woman who can be at my games and can chill afterward without all the risk.”
Marlon squinted. “God, you’re dramatic when you’re drunk. All you had to say was that you wanted a steady fuck buddy.”
I guess I did go the roundabout way of saying it.
“But how do I find that? How do I find a woman who won’t eventually fall for me and expect commitment and will also be discreet about our arrangement?”
Silence filled the space between us as we mulled over my predicament. Highlights from our game against the Cougars played on the television screen above the bar to my right. I smirked at the zoom-in of Rick Olson ripping his helmet off and cursing after my game-winning goal.
Get used to losing, asshole.
“I think I’ve found a solution to your little problem. Check this out,” Marlon said, turning his phone to me. It was my turn to raise a brow.
“Sugar Rush?”
“It’s this newish sugar baby arrangement app that’s been popping up lately.”
“Sounds like a scam to me,” I said dismissively. He turned his phone back around and continued scrolling.
“From what I’m reading, it seems pretty legit, complete with background checks and everything. And, as an added bonus, they have NDA clauses that both parties can virtually sign to ensure discretion.”
This seems… desperate.
“Let’s look at the reviews, shall we? This guy says, ‘I joined Sugar Rush to find companionship after a nasty divorce. My self-esteem had bottomed out, and I sank into a deep depression until I found my sugar baby, Lana. After a few meetings, she made me feel like a man again, and I felt like I had a new lease on life. She’s a friend, lover, and confidant, and one day I hope she becomes something more.’”
“That bot can write one hell of a review,” I commented, finishing my last beer of the night.
“You’re such a pessimist. Do you want me to read you a negative review?”
“Go for it.”
“All right. This guy says, ‘I hate this app. They wouldn’t let me join after reviewing my financial statements. They claimed they didn’t have confidence that I could pay the whores. What a fucking joke.’”
“He doesn’t sound bitter at all,” I said sarcastically. “What about a mid review?”
“This review is three stars. It reads, ‘The sign-up process was slightly more rigorous than expected. It took about three weeks from start to finish. I’ve gone on a few dates but haven’t found a girl I clicked with yet. I’ll keep looking.’ That a boy. Another review says, ‘All the women on the app are gorgeous. I’ve been using the app for a month and haven’t found my sugar baby because there are so many beautiful women to choose from.’ Ohhh, listen to this one. This guy left a scathing review about a woman named Vera.”
Vera… that name is kind of old school.
“‘Vera is a cunt. I told her that her fee was too high and she should consider adjusting it. She promptly told me that she doesn’t lower her standards for anyone and that the issue wasn’t that her fees were too high, but I was too broke! I should’ve known she’d be a stuck-up bitch when I read her bio. Do yourself a favor and stay far away from this bitch.’”
Interesting.
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know, man,” I said, picking at a forming callus on my palm, a reminder I needed to pick up some shea butter.
“What do you have to lose? The worst thing that can happen is that you strike out and you’re in the same position you’re already in—fuck buddy-less. Sign up.”
I smirked and wrangled my phone out of the pocket of my sweats. “Why do I feel like I’m taking one for the team?”
“Because you are. If it works out well for you, then I might give it a shot.”
“And if this ends in a mangled pile of flames, then I’m kicking your ass,” I promised.
