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“No,” I said. “I’d be horrible if it wasn’t for Has.” She hadn’t expected that. “I’d smother you with my love,” I added, half joking, just to ease it for her.

She grinned. “You know me so well.”

“Don’t give me too much credit. You blew up a few preconceived notions I’m embarrassed to have had tonight.” She blew on her nails and buffed them on her shoulder, smirking.

“Louisa.” I held her gaze so she’d feel the truth when I said, “If Has weren’t in the middle… I couldn’t just be friends with you.”

Her eyes softened, locked on mine for a long moment.

Then she nodded and looked down at her fidgeting hands. I straightened my jacket, cleared my throat. The lights shifted to blue.

“So—‘’ I started.

She stepped onto her tiptoes and cupped my jaw tenderly, pulling my face down to hers. Our noses brushed, and our breaths mingled, so close I could almost taste her. I closed my eyes, torn between wanting her and holding back. Willing her to make the decision for us. Choose me. I’ll deal with the fallout.

And then she kissed me—gentle, bittersweet… chaste—and my heart dropped through the floor. I tried to memorize the feeling of her lips on mine. My hands clenched at my sides to keep from holding her there. She swept her fingers along my brow and across my jaw. The lights flipped to gold. I knew what this was even before I felt her sigh between us—an acknowledgment and an apology in the same breath.

“If I were the type, you’d be my type,” she murmured.

I swallowed hard. “I know.”

If it be Your will, Lord, take this cup from my boy… he’s only one heart.

Somehow, the end of the night found the three of us camped out in the treehouse behind the group home in the early morning with a joint and a box of Tagalongs. We got high as fuck—or at least I did because I hadn’t smoked since high school—and we watched stupid, hilarious videos on Has’s phone until we fell asleep. I’d been relieved when Has found us at Wilderness after everything went to shit and asked if we could call it a night.

We’d all huddled together in the cold under a hodgepodge of blankets, still wearing our dress clothes. Through some combination of weed and camaraderie, I found myself staring at the stars beyond the treehouse window, nostalgic for battalion field exercises. Cold nights and shitty tents. Sleeping nut-to-butt with some dork just to stay warm. Stepping away from real life. Soon enough.

I woke up with a massive boner, and Lou’s little body curled around mine. Her face rested between my shoulder blades, hand up my shirt, and the top of her thighs pressed to the back of mine. She’d kissed me the previous night to let me down gently—I wasn’t an idiot—but I wanted to hold on to the feeling of her body choosing mine a little bit longer.

I was confident there was a part of Louisa that wanted a part of me. Maybe reality was somewhere in the middle, more than she realized and less than I hoped, but I wasn’t misreading the natural chemistry between us. I’d never played with a woman I wanted to fuck, and it was unexpectedly heady. I wanted to play with her and fuck her in equal measure.

Believe me, son—yer mam could play and she nearly ruined my life, she did.

Has sat up when the sky was full of light, his beard matted on one side, and he smirked when he spied Lou still wrapped around me.

“She’s a snuggler,” he said affectionately. “She insists she isn’t, but when her brain gets out of the way, and sleep takes over, there she is, you know?”

My chest felt tight imagining how he learned that about her. Mine.

“I’ll slip out so she’s not embarrassed,” I said. “I gotta piss anyway.”

I felt more kinship with Has than the competitive energy I might’ve felt against a lesser man. Frankly, I was impressed with his ability to compartmentalize. If it bothered him to see Lou wrapped around me, he didn’t show it.

“Nah, she’s had a rough month in the studio and a big night last night. Probably needs sleep.” He’s a better man than I am. “And she doesn’t get embarrassed.”

My ears perked up at that. I distinctly recalled Louisa’s cheeks blooming pink when I stopped her from showing me the rest of the snake on her breast. She was embarrassed then, no question about it. Maybe Has didn’t know her as well as he thought.

He got up quietly and climbed down the ladder. His trust in me as his friend was sobering and undeserved. If I’d thought for a second Louisa wanted me to, I’d have pressed her against the wall and devoured her whole in that hallway last night.

I slowly shifted my arm to turn onto my back and tucked it under her head. She shuffled without waking, nuzzling into the nook between my shoulder and my chest and moving her hand even further up my shirt, fingers gently grazing my rib cage. My heart kicked up, and I let my fingers drift through her hair. I kept my eyes closed. Breathing steady. Her thigh slid up mine as she snuggled closer, and a soft humming sigh slipped from her chest.

Mine.

I silently talked my dick down. He was positive we could make something happen here, but I had two good people trusting me to be a better man. Dad believed I was a better man. I can do this. I can be a safe place for her to rest.

When her hips rolled almost imperceptibly against my side, all of a sudden, I was not a safe place for her to rest. I was hard as a rock, and my free hand gripped the blankets. Her fingers brushed lightly against my nipple, and my hand grabbed hers through my shirt so fast I didn’t have time to temper my response. She woke with a start.

“Oh, sorry!” She was hoarse, eyelids heavy. She pulled her hand out from under my shirt and pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “Good morning, Mr. Hawkins,” she whispered sleepily, and my gut clenched. I looked at her face, brow furrowed, until she reached up and pressed her finger to the wrinkle on my forehead and wiggled it. “No frowning in the morning, you bear.”