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“Three. I’m sure Nathalie will appreciate an apology, eventually. But get your shit together first so she knows you mean it. She doesn’t suffer fools.”

She flinched slightly but nodded and held up four fingers. I finished the last Samoa.

“Four. You need to rent your own truck to move to Boston this weekend. I already drove down here like a bitch when you should’ve been crawling your ass to my place. I don’t think my ego will survive being at your beck and call as if nothing happened.”

She smiled fully this time. “Yes, I’m grateful you drove Hassi down, even if it was just a cover to murder me later. I will figure out an alternative.”

Bracing one hand on the doorframe overhead, I leaned past her to toss the empty box on her counter.

“Five…” I held up five fingers, meeting her eyes. “I thought you didn’t get jealous.”

16

A Forced Invitation

The Bronx, NY

Louisa

I slept for 28 hours straight that first night. Not even exaggerating. Has woke me once to feed me a peanut butter roll, and again later to clean it out of my armpit, where it ended up after I fell asleep eating it. Otherwise, I was dead to the world.

Rest and real food made the truth hit harder than I expected. I’d been in worse shape than I realized.

Will left while I was sleeping. I knew I still had to earn his forgiveness. I hadn’t considered the fallout of my choices beyond the perving itself.

I’d been so wrapped up in my own guilt that I left him feeling insecure, forced him to deal with Nathalie alone, and I confided in someone he knows without his permission. I let it go so long that he had to come to me. And when I finally apologized, he had to tell me what I should have been sorry for.

He once told me he was a patient man, but this was next-level. I was grateful he was willing to bare his soft underbelly so I could understand how he felt. Like he wanted me to know him. It was brave. And, if I’m being honest, unbearably attractive. I was at war with myself—wanting him when I’d lost the right and owing him the respect of doing better.

Aside from my kiln, the only other things I cared about moving were my ceramics tools and supplies. My clothes, shoes, and assorted toiletries were tossed into two black trash bags by the front door. My landlord offered to cover the last few months of my lease if I left my furniture and kitchenware. Joke’s on him since I pulled all of it out of the trash when I got the place.

It was Veteran’s Day weekend, and I desperately wanted to be out of this place. Fortunately, almost all of my lampshades were ready for delivery. I’d finish the last of them tonight and deliver them tomorrow, even if they were still warm.

The original plan had been for the whole Boston crew to spend a couple of nights partying in the city before the Marine Corps ball on Sunday. They would take advantage of my apartment for a free stay before I gave it up and squeeze in a whole weekend of debauchery before finals and the holidays.

Even though Will opted out—the official story being that he needed to help his mom with something—Jackson, Miller, and Brooks all rode down in the back of the box truck Has borrowed from the lab to move my kiln. Ortiz and Marisol arrived later the same day.

I liked that Hasan’s place in the group was meaningful enough that Will wasn’t the glue that held the plans together, but my heart ached with the knowledge that he was alone this weekend because of something I did. They would have stayed with him if they knew the truth.

“Guys, we only have one night here.” Has looked at me with his eyebrow raised, but I didn’t feel guilty about the lie. I shrugged. “Sorry, I thought we’d have tomorrow night, too, but my landlord needs us out.”

“No big deal, we got Lamaze class tomorrow anyway. We’re heading out in the morning,” Christian said, absentmindedly rubbing his wife’s belly. She rested her hand on his. “We have room to take you guys if you want to ride back with us,” he told the other Marines.

That evening, I glazed my last two shades and fired up the kiln while the group grabbed dinner together, and then met them all at the club Jackson had been on about all afternoon.

If Will had been here, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so shitty about being out, but I didn’t feel right partying with his friends while he was home alone.

“Has!” I yelled to get his attention over the music. The guys had been drinking, and Mari and Ortiz were all over each other on the dance floor. “I’m going to go home and sleep!”

He tipped his chin as he sidled past a few people. I’m sure my face told him everything.

“Be safe. We’ll see you at home in a couple of hours.” He kissed my cheek, and I slipped away before anyone else noticed.

Back at the apartment, I showered, put on warm pajamas, and tossed my shower things, still dripping, into the trash bag I pulled them from. I wrapped myself in a blanket and curled up on the couch. Christian and Marisol were taking my bed tonight, and I needed to do something before I could fall asleep.

“Lou? Is everything okay?” Will said when he answered my call.

“Yeah, hi,” I breathed. I loved the sound of his voice. “I’m sorry I’m calling you so late—‘’ I heard a woman speaking low in the background, too quiet to hear what she was saying, and the deep, muffled sound of Will responding to her with his hand over the phone.