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“I wasn’t trying to have it both ways.”
“Then what are you trying to do?”
I didn’t have an answer.
She made a sound that might’ve been a laugh. “You know what the worst part is? I actually started to believe you were different. That maybe I’d gotten it wrong about you. But you’re exactly who I thought you were at that picnic. Someone who makes decisions based on what’s easiest for himself.”
“That’s not fair.” I dragged both hands through my hair. “Crim is one of the only people on this team who sees me as more than just the goalie. He asks how I’m doing and actually wants to know. To him, I’m not only the weapon Coach sends out to stop pucks.”
“So you couldn’t date me because it might make things awkward with Crim.”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” I was making this worse. “You weren’t just some woman at a party, alright?”
Her face went white. “Some woman at a party?”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Panic clawed up my throat. “I meant the opposite. You were important. You are important.”
“But not important enough.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s what you meant, though. I bet Crim told you to stay away from me, and you listened.”
“Crim didn’t tell me anything.” The words came out too loud. “He didn’t have to. I saw the way he was looking at me when you walked over. Like if I touched you, he’d check me through the boards. And I couldn’t—I didn’t want to lose our friendship. I didn’t want him to look at me the way everyone else does.”
“So you made me feel like I was nothing instead.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing.” Even as I said it, I knew how empty it sounded.
She laughed, but there was no humor in it. “The right thing would’ve been honesty. You could’ve pulled me aside and said ‘Hey, I can’t do this because of Crim.’ But instead, you dismissed me in front of your teammates and let me think I was the problem.”
“You weren’t the problem.” The truth tried to force its way out. “You were everything I wanted and couldn’t let myself have.”
The words hung in the air between us.
Tears clung to her lashes, and I didn’t know if they were from anger or hurt or both.
“That’s not romantic, Brashe. That’s just sad.”
“I’m sorry for everything.”
“I don’t want your apology. I want you to get out of my treatment room.”
“Ellie, just listen.”
“Leave. Please. I need to call the coach and tell him his starting goalie just benched himself for at least the second game of the playoffs.”
“Second? I’ve got to play.”
“Then ruin your damn season. See if I care.” She pointed to the door. “Leave.”
I did as she asked, my hip screaming with each step.
I kept going all the way to my truck in the back lot.
I hadn’t messed it up too bad, had I? I’d skate through it. I had to.
Once inside my vehicle, I pulled out my phone and opened my messages, finding Crim’s name.
