The Little Shop of Gentle Magics
Page 80
“That’s nae how it works, hen.”
“It’s not?”
“Nae. The right kind of chaos might transform ye, but it willna erase ye.”
Brings out the best parts of you, Grandma added, drifting toward the window.
“Oh.” I shrank back into the armchair, letting their words sink in.
“And Art asked ye tae do all these things for him and the kids?” Peggy asked.
I frowned. “Well, no.”
You assumed, did you? Grandma asked archly. Because you know what that makes you? Right?
I thought back to all the things I had quietly taken on since Art and the kids had moved in, even when Art had protested.
Come here for a sec, Grandma said, waving me over. You should see this.
I got to my feet with a groan. The previous day had taken a greater toll on my body than I’d realized. Sleeping in a recliner probably hadn’t helped.
My stomach jumped into my throat when my eyes landed on what she wanted me to see.
It was a beautiful morning, but Art, Merry, and Viv didn’t seem to have noticed as they trudged up the beach, looking more like a family on their way to the dentist than one on a treasure-hunting beach adventure in the sunshine.
Even Merry seemed listless, kicking at the sand dejectedly instead of jumping from rock to rock the way he loved to do—despite being constantly warned that he would slip and crack his head open.
“What’s wrong with them?” I asked, even though I knew the answer. The only thing that had changed was that I’d left.
They lost their light, Grandma said, sounding as sad as they looked.
“I can see that, but why?” I asked.
“Nae, hen, yer granny means ye. Ye’re their light,” Peggy explained.
“But how’s that even possible? I’ve only known them for a few weeks!”
Peggy and Grandma both shrugged. “Some things are meant tae be,” Peggy said, patting my arm gently. “Their chaos canna swallow ye up. Ye’re its heart. Ye’re theirs.” She nodded down to the beach, where all three of them sat on the sand like they hadn’t had even a speck of energy left to keep going.
I know that you’re terrified he’s going to prune you back down to the smallest version of you, Grandma said, turning away from the window to look me in the eye so she could make sure I heard every word. But he’s not that pathetic excuse for a man that you married. Her lip twisted up in disgust, then smoothed out into a quirky grin. The brighter you shine, the more this one lights up. He doesn’t want to hold you back or stuff you into a small box of his own expectations. I’ve been watching him, and all he wants to do is lift you as high as possible so you can shine as bright as we all know you can.
“Don’t let the fears from yer past shape yer future. Ye came here tae get away from all that. Leave it all behind ye,” Peggy added.
Life with Jim had been the opposite of chaotic. It had been an exercise in never rocking the boat, never asking for or expecting anything. I’d kept my hopes and dreams locked down so tightly, I’d forgotten they existed. And bit by bit, that had become true of most of my thoughts and emotions. Maybe that was why Art’s gift had devastated me.
“Jim would have made me that website to make me feel bad for not thinking big enough. Maybe even to lord it over me and make me feel like a failure when it became obvious that I couldn’t handle it all. Art…”
Art had dreamed and planned with me. He’d kept me company while I worked because he knew I was uncomfortable in the shop on my own at night. When I’d panicked or gotten overwhelmed, he’d talked me down and told me over and over again that I was amazing and that he believed in me. And when he’d realized he couldn’t help me in the kitchen, he’d dug into his particular bag of skills and tried to help by doing the thing he’d won awards for. He’d made me a website so my light could shine far beyond Banhaven.
From the moment I’d met him, my gut had known that Art was nothing like Jim. He’d proven that countless times since arriving in Scotland. And yet, part of my heart had kept him at arm’s length, just waiting for him to do something to prove me wrong. The certainty that I was right about why he’d made me the website settled inside me and shattered the last of my resistance. The overwhelming love that I’d been holding at bay washed over me, setting even the darkest corners of my heart ablaze.
“I want that,” I said, looking out the window. “I want all of that. The chaotic mornings, the squabbles, the tantrums, and the endless questions about anything and everything. I want the cuddle piles and the giggle fests. I want the family dinners and the group reads. I even want the laundry. So much laundry, it boggles the mind. But more than anything, I want that man in my life. I want him by my side as I figure out who I am, because, aside from Mac, no one has ever seen me as clearly or loved me as completely as he does.”
It’s about time! Grandma exclaimed, rolling her eyes theatrically even as they shone with pride. She blew me a kiss as she vanished, leaving me with Peggy, who looked equally proud of me.
The enormity of what I’d done by walking away slapped me across the face.
“I have to go!” I cried, spinning around. But as I reached the door, the horrible vision I’d seen the day before flashed through my mind, and I faltered and turned back. “The vision I really saw…” Peggy pressed her lips together and nodded. Of course she’d known. “It was terrifying. So dark. So sad. Was I seeing what happened when he showed me his surprise?”