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Chapter 15
Ben
Everything in me screamed that this is a bad idea. Never mix business with pleasure. But I did anyway. Hell, who am I kidding? It was always pleasure with Alexa.
The uncertainty of what could be going through her mind weighs heavy on my chest, crushing me. It’s growing dark, and I’m worried.
Squeezing my eyes tightly shut in hopes of relieving the tension, my mind wanders to the memories of the last time I saw her – sprawled out in my bed, Alexa's blond hair wild and cascading around her satin skin and a faint trace of red on her lips. Lips that I kissed all night. Lips that tasted like cherries and hope. Lips that told secrets and jokes. Lips that marked me, made me want more. Made me think I could be more.
I left to get us breakfast but got an emergency call and had to run by the office, and I tried texting her to let her know. I assumed she was sleeping, but then, when I arrived at work and found out the call was from Tess, I knew something was up. So I raced home.
When I walked in the door and saw the broken glass, I freaked out. Then, all the pieces fell into place…once I saw the check laying on the floor. A check she was never supposed to see, not yet, anyway. The amount was just coincidental. I was going to surprise her later when I told her about NYU. That bitch must have stolen it from my desk.
I texted and called her about a hundred more times, afraid to leave for fear of missing seeing her. I had her gift delivered. I’m hoping that she doesn’t throw away the opportunity because she’s upset with me.
A noise brings me back to the present. Sucking in a harsh breath I stand. Alexa.
I hear her come in, but I don’t rush to her the way I want to. “Alexa.”
She is avoiding eye contact, but I continue anyway. “I'm so glad you’re back.”
*****
Alexa
“Well, I never back out of a commitment,” I explain, avoiding his gaze, knowing that’s not the only reason.
I feel the heat of his eyes on me, never leaving me, as if he’s afraid I’m going to disappear. “Is that what I am? What we are?” he asks, his voice laced with hope.
Hope. As for what I’m feeling, I don’t know how to feel. Or, how to think. I only know I want to be in his arms, but I can’t pretend this morning never happened.
“Lex, please, baby, talk to me,” he pleads, and hearing his term of endearment softens the ice that formed on my heart when it was fractured.
Brushing past him, I walk over to the window. “You can’t imagine what it felt like.”
“Oh, can’t I?” His voice sounds like he’s holding back anger. I inwardly cringe, knowing he’s referring to Tess and his best friend, the third “letter” in HALtech, screwing on his desk.”
Sighing, I turn, lifting my eyes up to meet his. “You’re right. You have experienced pain of your own, and I’m not childish enough to sit here and pretend otherwise.”
He steps closer, nodding for me to continue, hands tucked away in his pockets, a nervous habit of his that I’ve picked up on.
“When I walked in and saw her sitting there…” I begin, pointing to the couch, “Well, for starters, it scared me. It didn’t take long after that to figure out who she was. But her being here wasn’t the biggest shock. Not by a long shot. Even when she told me this was her apartment with you.” I risk glancing at him.
“She was lying. She never lived here with me. Yes, it was my place when we were together, but honestly, this was my get away from her when in town. So, anytime we were in the city, she either stayed with her parents, friends or at the Ritz. I would never have brought you to this place if I had been here with her here. Even when it was just an arrangement.” I can see him clenching his fists in his pockets, and the desperation in his voice guts me.
“Was?” I question him, but it’s a very loaded question.
“Do you want it to be? I thought we were past all that.” He walks toward me.
My heart is hammering in my chest. “So are you saying our deal is off?” Please say yes.
“I’m saying the deal has been off for me since that first kiss,” he confesses.
My eyes fill with tears. “It was never about the money for me either. But why did you have a check made out to me? And how the hell did she know? That’s what I need to understand. That part hurt the most.” The tears start to fall, and he’s in front of me in an instant, kissing every single one away.
“That was for something else. Look at the date, I made it out that first day. She must have taken it from the office. I’m so sorry. Do you trust me?” I nod, and he grabs me and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me to the bedroom.
“Wait, Ben. I don’t think this is the best idea.” I slap at his back lightly, knowing my panties are already growing wet. And, with every step, the anger melts, the drama from today fading, and what’s left is him. This must be love, the really crazy sexy, consuming kind of love. Love-on-the-brain love. Love-you-through-it love. Because even when I don’t want to, I love this man.
