Page 104

He says he used condoms every time.

But timeline matches up and condoms aren't always affective.

IDK Blaire…thats a big thing for him to keep from you.

He was freaked out and worried it would make me leave.

Well maybe you should

I'm not leaving him.

You should.

I’m sorry. I love you. But you should walk away and let him figure his shit out and then try again later if you still want him.

You do not have to be the woman who stays and holds his hand through another woman’s pregnancy.

That’s not what this is.

He didn’t cheat. He had used protection.

We weren't together.

My eyes burn as I type it. Even though he didn't cheat, it still stings. This pregnancy is a very harsh reminder of just how little time there was between Simon leaving Veronica and getting with me, of how quickly he and I have been moving. Maybe I should have taken things slower and let the life he'd been living without me settle before jumping back into a life with him.

Jamie

This is not noble. this is you white-knuckling a situation.

He let sit in your house for four days while you thought he didn’t want you anymore and then drops this huge bomb on you.

Blaire you've done enough for him.

Every time things get hard Simon panics and locks up and leaves you scrambling to fix it.

I want to stand by him.

I know when to walk away from Simon. This isn't one of those times.

This is a shitty situation but it isn't his fault.

It's not your responsibility either Blaire!

If I leave now I’m no better than him. Running when things get hard.

BLAIRE

oh my fucking god

I could kill you right now

I lock my phone and put it in a drawer. I don't know how much back and forth I can take right now. I'll try to call her over break and she can yell at me then. She can be pissed and think I'm making the wrong choice, I know Simon. He didn't keep this from me because he didn't want me to know. He didn't tell me because he had no idea how and was terrified that he'd lose me right after he got me back. I can understand that. Even if it's not completely logical.

The rest of the day moves in pieces. Third period can't be quiet for more than five seconds. Lunch is twenty-two minutes of me eating pretzels in my car so I don’t have to see Jamie. I text Simon a grocery list to pick up tonight because we still need cranberry sauce and I won't have the energy to go after work. Last period, I give up and put a movie on. Half the class is already mentally at their grandparents’ houses anyway. I just stare at the crooked HAPPY FALL BREAK letters Jamie taped above my board.

The intercom crackles. “Teachers and students, that is dismissal. Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. We’ll see you next week.”

My kids flood out in a swell. I stand at the door and repeat the same phrase on autopilot.