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My go bag is downstairs in my office, ready because, well…it would be a shitty go bag if it wasn’t ready to go.

Blaire follows me.

Theo stays on her hip, quieter now because he’s starting to understand that there’s something going on that’s not just Daddy having to go to work.

I flip on the basement light.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah bud?”

“Can I come to work with you?”

I stop halfway down the stairs.

Fuck me.

“No, buddy.”

“Why? I went last time.” I can already hear the petulance in his tone.

He did get to go last time I had to run to base because paperwork didn’t get filled correctly. He loved it, matched around after me like a recruit and got to get a snack from the mess hall.

“Because Daddy's work is really far away this time.” The walk down the stairs suddenly feels like a death march.

“How far?”

“I don't know yet.”

“Farther than Mimi?”

“Yeah.”

“Farther than Target?”

Blaire lets out a tiny laugh that sounds suspiciously close to a sob.

“Yeah,” I say. “Farther than Target.”

I reach my office and pull the go bag from the chair in the corner.

Everything I need is already in it. I still unzip it and check.

Blaire lowers Theo onto the floor. “Can you go upstairs and finish wrapping, baby?”

“I want Daddy.” He stomps his foot and crosses his arm.

“Daddy needs to pack. Go upstairs and wrap another present. You can even have another cookie.”

He thinks over this offer for barely two seconds before sprinting upstairs before Blaire changes her mind.

Blaire comes over to me. “When will you know more?”

“Probably once I'm on base.”

“What about Christmas?”

“I don't know.”